Can't Drown My Demons
by Synthetic-Skywalker
Summary: He's caught in a war with himself and his inner demons. While warring with himself, the relationship with his young Padawan is strained and returning its balance proves to be difficult for him, especially as their relationship changes. (Rated for themes.)
1. Chapter 1

**POV: Ahsoka Tano**

I watched my master from a distance with an uneasy stare, frightened of what he was about to say to me when his ocean blue eyes spotted my figure that was in front of the mess hall. I stopped and looked at him with frightened eyes as he walked nearer and nearer. I could see in his eyes that his soul was dying. I could see the burning man inside of him. His soul was in the need of help and I couldn't do anything about it. How could I? I don't have powers to help people with their feelings and what made it worse was that Anakin didn't want to talk about it with me. He never wanted to specifically tell me what his deal was.

The reaction I felt was anger, betrayal… but I still cared for him, so much that I really was desperate to help him. These emotions that I couldn't dare feel towards him have come and gone these past two months. However, the love remained the same. The emotions that faded and reappeared from time to time were sadness, hurt, betrayal… The _desire_ to keep him by my side was unbelievable. I loved him so much that I couldn't just ignore him. I wanted to help him, but all he ever did was just ignore my questions and pleas, making up excuses to make me forget that conversation.

Right now, I couldn't stand to even look at him. I didn't want to… talk to him right at this moment for fear that I may say the wrong things again. He might've shouted at me again just like last night. The fury in his eyes was still there and it was clearly visible right now too. I quickly turned, trying to remain calm, and walked away as fast as I could to my room.

I could hear him calling my name repeatedly as tears welled up in my eyes. _Damn myself_! Why the heck was I crying? Anakin did nothing… _stop_ this! Anakin did do something and was I really going to forgive him that easily? _Damn myself_! Damn these emotions! He couldn't… He _would_ do such terrible things. He told me that he killed the people who killed his mother for revenge. I've seen him kill and show no mercy…

Locking my door, I slammed myself against the wall, sliding down as the tears continued to leave my eyes while I hid my face into my folded arms.

"Soka?" He called quietly with his soothing voice. "Snips, can we talk about this?"

I didn't respond to him, just continued to sob quietly. The thing was that whenever he wanted to talk to me, he'd use that voice. He would use that soothing voice that I'd easily give into. Anakin had his ways of dragging me back to him and then pushing me away. Whenever he felt alone, he'd want me. When he felt… _lost_, he'd push me away. I didn't know why but he always tells me he doesn't want to hurt me. My response to that was as if he were joking. I thought he was fooling around until he gave me a dead serious look.

That soothing voice was hiding the anger he had inside him. He was angry for his actions and I asked him why last night, but he responded by yelling and destroying objects in our room. He almost cut his hand after smashing a glass vase against the wall. I wasn't sure why he acted that way at times, especially last night. Last night was different from the other nights. He was angrier than I've ever seen him. I didn't want to do this anymore… but he needed me and I needed him. He was my purpose for being here and all I was doing was crying like a little bitch while he's in pain and confused.

The atmosphere was _eerie_… cold. I just wanted to ignore this emotional pain and replace it with some other pain. I've experienced that physical pain several, if not a lot of times. It helps to relax me and I hate myself after that. After a few moments of silence, I could feel his presence fading. I walked over to my unmade bed and curled up into a ball, crying like an idiot.

Anakin didn't mind that I locked him out of our small dorm and he understood that I needed some time alone. He told me if he ever did anything wrong, that I have to lock him out of our room so he doesn't hurt me. I learned the hard way once. Anakin was tired and I didn't realize he was in such a bad mood that day. He was demanding and rough, so rough that he realized the next day that there were bruises I was hiding from him. I pleaded with him after that, but he continued to hate himself and told me to actually _kill_ him because of his actions. I wouldn't _dare_ do anything like that…

I was there, alone… staring at the passing speeders that zoomed throughout Coruscant while hearing the echoes of the bombs during the recent battle in Naboo. I closed my eyes and flashbacks began to overpower me.

'_Ahsoka, where's Obi-Wan?_' Anakin hollered as he and I continuously destroyed battle droids. The look on his face was so clear in my mind that it burned.

'_I don't_ –' I shouted as I felt a blast go through my shoulder. My vision began to blur and all I saw was Anakin shouting, running towards me. His face was so clear… blood oozed out from his head and down his cheekbone. He shouted – Anakin shouted my name or for help as tears left his eyes. He cared for me and never left my side and this is how I was _thanking_ him?

Tears silently left my eyes as I thought of everything that has happened… Everything that I have done wrong. _Damn myself_! Damn the wrong things I've done to Anakin! I haven't done anything right! All I've done was make him angrier.

I had to suck it up though. I care for him deeply despite the arguments we had just months ago. I couldn't be mad at him. I loved him with my entire soul and this is what I was doing? Not talking to him? He didn't deserve this treatment… no one should. Sometimes I always say to myself that Anakin would be better off without me.

I wiped my tears away and turned on my light to get a better view of my room. It was… quite messy but not that messy that it would look like a pig lived in here. Anakin's side was full of tools and things he was either fixing or building. Whereas my side was full of books and pieces of paper. Though we shared one thing… Clothes were all over the place.

I might as well clean up in here and organize a few things, try to get my mind straight and not think of anything. Sighing, I began to clean up and polish a few things where the dust was visible on them.

Halfway through my cleaning session, I looked down at a picture of Anakin that was on top of my nightstand. The picture had no one else but him… Just standing there with a smile on his face.

Memories of last night flashed before my eyes. Those haunting eyes burned through my soul as I remembered him attacking me last night. He wasn't the Ani that I knew. He wasn't the man I fell in love with… He was different. He has been different for a long time now and I didn't know why.

His tinted golden eyes scared me and I didn't know what to do. He was different… angrier than ever. Anakin's behavior continued to change ever since he lost Obi-Wan during the battle on Naboo. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep… He wouldn't even talk and last night everything must've crashed down on him and maybe that's why he acted like that.

I looked around the now dark room and leaned against the wall, smiling a tiny smile at Anakin's picture…

**A/N: Yay! Finally an Anisoka update! I know… Well, this fic is a collab fic between myself and Anisoka21 (xAnisoka21 on YouTube – she's made a video for this fic already). She will be writing all of the Ahsoka POV's and I will be writing all of the Anakin ones. Hope you enjoyed reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**POV: Anakin Skywalker**

_You're drowning. You're dying. You're losing control._

My thoughts kept _screaming _that at me and I felt like it was become truer each and every time it echoed through my mind. I didn't feel like the hero everyone claimed I was. I didn't feel like anything _good._ I felt like a monster, like someone who needed to be put into a cage or _something._ My heart was pounding, my head throbbing, and my body was aching. I _hurt _her and the only thing I could do to make myself feel at least _somewhat _better was to hurt myself. I didn't even do a moderate amount of damage because I knew that wasn't what I'd done to her. Fuck, I couldn't and wouldn't downplay the hell I put her through. The hell I've _been _putting her through.

I paced Obi-Wan's quarters. Yes, they were empty. I knew that. These quarters would never again be graced by his presence, a presence I'd grown accustomed to for over a _decade._ I still just couldn't believe that he was _gone._ I bet he didn't realize how much of me he took with him when he left. I just didn't feel like myself now. I didn't feel like the man Obi-Wan turned me into. He'd given me so many brilliant opportunities and I'd done my best to be the Padawan he'd wanted me to be. For the most part, I think I did a fairly decent job of accomplishing that. However, I didn't feel like the _Knight _he wanted me to be.

If he could see me, he would hate me. He wouldn't have wanted me to lose control of myself like this. No. Obi-Wan would want me to meditate even though he knew how much I loathed meditating. It had never been my forte, nor would it _ever _be. I stopped at the foot of his bed and lifted my hands to my hair, running my fingers, both cybernetic and human, through my hair. I can't remember when the last time I actually took care of myself was. I felt so disheveled. I couldn't even bear the thought of seeing myself in the mirror, so I strayed as far away as I possibly could from everything that showed me my reflection.

My biceps ached horribly, as horribly as my chest and abdomen. I could just _feel _the blood seeping down from my open wounds even though I knew they hadn't started bleeding today – yet. There was still time for me to harm myself. It wasn't a conscious thought, really. I was ashamed of myself for taking the turn that I have been. I wasn't proud of myself in any way, shape, or form. I knew Obi-Wan wouldn't be proud of me and I knew Ahsoka wasn't proud of me.

The things I'd done recently were terrible. Ahsoka didn't deserve any of the outbursts and I didn't understand _why _I'd done that to her to begin with. It wasn't like she was at fault for anything. She'd _never _been at fault for my mistakes, for my grief. She was as innocent as she could ever be and I was taking away from that. I loved her. I cared for her. I was doing a _really _shitty job of showing her either of those two things. Hell, I haven't shown her that in Force knows how long.

If she knew what I was doing to myself, she'd probably hate me more than she already does. I _knew _I was in the wrong because I commanded her to keep me out of the dorm when I had done something wrong. It wasn't like I didn't know prior to her locking me out, but it still hurt to know that I was causing her pain. It was a pain that was very unwarranted. There was nothing she could have done. There was nothing _I _could have done, yet I was taking all of the blame nonetheless.

I shut my eyes when I heard the things I'd said to her last night over and over. I wish I could take back all the horrifying and cruel things I said to her, but I just… I just wasn't in my right mind anymore. Losing Obi-Wan had taken a lot out of me and I wished I could explain that to Ahsoka. I wish I could make her see that I'm not such a raving lunatic after all. I wish… I wish I could make her see that _this _is why attachments are forbidden. Obi-Wan became my best friend and my older brother over the course of a decade and his passing had left me shattered.

I exhaled, not realizing that I'd been holding my breath for Force knows how long. I spun and fell back onto Obi-Wan's bed, lying on my back. Instinctively, my eyes closed upon hitting the mattress. What was I supposed to do now? I was fucking myself up and I was wrecking things with Ahsoka. I was ruining my bond with her. She would more than likely request another Master to take my place since I was doing such a horrible job. Hell, Windu decided to rip me a new one for old time's sake just this morning.

I woke up before Ahsoka and went down to the training room where I felt like I could work off my anxiety and depression. However, I hadn't anticipated on that bastard being there. He was so smug and everything the moment I walked in and that smugness turned into disappointment and disapproval. He said he could smell the alcohol on me and I tried to downplay it and switch to another subject. Unfortunately for me, he was far too smart to be outsmarted by me.

"_You aren't succeeding as a Master, Skywalker._" No shit. I didn't need a bald Jedi Master looming over me to tell me that. "_Your Padawan is suffering emotionally as well as physically and the Council is aware of what has been happening._" That hadn't surprised me much. I knew what I'd done to Ahsoka and I knew there was no way I could possibly apologize or make up for it. There was nothing I could do to fix anything. "_If this issue persists, we will have to take action, Skywalker, and we both know Obi-Wan wouldn't want that. He wouldn't want to see you this way._" I shuddered after rehashing that echo in my mind. He played the Obi-Wan card. That card cut deep – _very _deep.

I leaned forward and held my head in my hands, frowning deeply. What was I going to do? It was inevitable that I would be sent away. It would probably be such a relief to Ahsoka to have me sent off to an asylum or even the Citadel for that matter. Shipping off the crazed Chosen One would be a blessing to anyone who was bound to cross my path between now and then. I felt hot tears pricking at my eyes and I tried to stop them. I sat up and blinked them away, staring at the durasteel door across the room.

I wasn't proud of myself and I knew no one else was proud of me right now either. My mom, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, the Council… Nobody was proud of me. I was becoming an absolute joke. How could I bring balance to the Force if I couldn't maintain balance within _myself?_ That had been something Obi-Wan put into my head several years ago. I've always been far too emotional and it was a curse. At times, it felt like a blessing because I felt so much more than the average Jedi, but it was surely destined to be my downfall one of these days.

Well, it was either that or Ahsoka killed me in my sleep.

Either way, I was going to die sooner or later as a result of the things I'd done since returning to Coruscant. I was going to pay for hurting Ahsoka. Never in my lifetime had I imagined I would hurt such a young, innocent child. That's what Ahsoka was to me – a child. She wasn't naïve for the most part, but she was still innocent, as innocent as possible while fighting in a warzone. The girl was seventeen years old now. She'd been fighting at my side for a little over two years. I wasn't sure I'd done everything I needed to do for her over this period of time. Obi-Wan… Obi-Wan just seemed better suited to apprentice her and it made me wonder why I was even given this task.

Everyone was determined to see me fail one way or another. That was how it had been at times while I was training under Obi-Wan. My trainings and katas were so much harder than those of the other Padawans. Every task I'd been given was a test of strength and endurance. It was only a matter of time before I was too weak or too tired and everyone loved to see me fall. Everyone except Obi-Wan, that is. He trained me as hard as he could, drilled me until I was too exhausted to even _say _I was exhausted.

The man had been a wonderful Master and that set the expectations of my mastery a bit _too _high. Already I'd begun beneath the bar. There was no way I would ever reach Obi-Wan's level. He was too experienced whereas I was too inexperienced. I would never succeed with Ahsoka. I would lose her to someone who could and would train her better, someone who would _treat _her better.

That thought alone hurt my heart. Hadn't losing everyone I cared about been my biggest fear since I was a child? _Yes._ The woman I thought I would always have in my life had passed during my apprenticeship and the man I'd come to call my brother had left me not even a month ago. I was surely going to lose every last person who was important to me in one fashion or another.

I balled my fists up and shifted them to grasp at my hair roughly. This wasn't the Skywalker everyone wanted to see out and about. This was a fuck up. A fuck up is all that I'd become since I lost him, since I lost the only role model and companion I'd known for the last twelve years. I had failed Obi-Wan and I'd lost him. Now I was going to fail Ahsoka and that would surely end the same way, even if it was only a shifting of Masters. I am such a failure.

I heard a knock at the door and I raised my head, trying to relax as best I could manage. "Yes?" I croaked, staring blearily at the durasteel. I tried clearing my throat to no avail. It never seemed to matter. Whenever I tried to right one of my many wrongs, it always worsened said wrong.

"Master," her small voice whispered. I resisted the urge to stand up, palm the door open, and immediately throw apologies and promises I would always break at her. I'd broken so many promises lately. How was I to know whether or not the next ones would be broken as well? I based it off of a pattern though and I was going to break every last promise I made from this point on. I was breaking promises to myself, promises that I would shove the drugs, the alcohol, and the razors into some pack and throw them out of an airlock. I hadn't done that yet and I didn't intend on doing so. "You can…" She trailed off and I remained where I was. She couldn't forgive me that easily. As I said, she wasn't naïve. Ahsoka is a very intelligent girl and she knew when she was doing something wrong. Her instincts told her that much. "You can come back to our quarters, Master."

I closed my eyes and let a few silent tears fall. My biceps felt like they were being seared to the bone right now and I was the only one to blame for that. It started with my biceps and trailed down to every other area I'd desecrated on my body. There were too many for me to count and I didn't even _try _to count them. The only visible scar was that of the one above and below my right eye. The rest were hidden beneath my Jedi garments where they would _remain _hidden until my dying days because I knew I would never be able to stop this emotional hell I was going through.

I was nothing without Obi-Wan and I was heartless when I hurt Ahsoka. I swallowed and tried to compose myself in ways Obi-Wan showed me during my Padawan years. He always managed to shield his true feelings from me and I was always amazed at how perfect he was. I was amazed by how perfect he always was when I saw him.

Perhaps I could make Ahsoka see me the same way, even if it was all an act and a lie. It would relieve her of some pain at least.


	3. Chapter 3

**POV: Ahsoka Tano**

Anakin seemed pretty quiet during our long walk back to our dorm. Ever since the incident on Naboo, he'd been like this. He wouldn't eat, but when he did, it was very little. He didn't have any conversations with anyone but me… However, we only had quick chats; nothing longer than a few sentences. He would simply disengage himself from everyone and everything. All he ever did was go to the bathroom, sleep, or just stay in our dorm. He wouldn't even want to open the curtains in our dorm or go outside.

I looked after him, not wanting him to do something stupid as he walked ahead of me. He was tensed and I could tell by how his back and muscles stiffened. The memories of Obi-Wan must've burned him from the inside. He constantly told me that it was his fault for what happened to our friend. I would never blame him for that. He shouldn't be blaming himself for a fault that wasn't his. Anakin should know it was not his fault at all.

One time, just one _second_, I thought he forgot everything and would be the Anakin I knew. I was wrong. He made himself look happy when I clearly knew he wasn't happy at all. He'd lie to me about how he feels and I'm really worried about what's going on in his mind. I would very carefully try to make him open up to me but he'd immediately shut me out. He told me not to try to go into his mind because he had seen the worst image of Obi-Wan when he found him and it was very graphic according to him. I was there, but I didn't actually see Master Kenobi because Anakin told me to stay where I was – with Captain Rex.

I could tell by Anakin's facial expression — when we found Obi-Wan — that it was too _graphic_. Especially for me.

Anakin was still mute as he continued to walk straight towards our dorm. He didn't want to look at anyone or speak to anyone. He glared at the ground, not wanting to gaze up and look around. I could feel his uneasiness as Jedi Masters passed by. However, I could clearly feel his hatred towards a specific Jedi Master that he and I both didn't like at all.

_Mace Windu… _

Something about Master Windu always made me uneasy around him. Anakin told me he didn't like him at all. I can see why. Just the gaze of the bald Jedi master made me feel like he was watching every move I'd made. Every breath or every sound I would make felt like it would be recorded by Master Windu to later be scrutinized by him. Those eyes would always watch your every step and I could feel Master Windu's resentment towards Anakin… or me.

Anakin and I walked faster across the ancient building; our feet touched the golden carpet very gently even with our quick pace. My eyes shifted to Anakin again, away from Master Windu, and he looked the same as he had moments ago – the same moping face that has been there for these past few months. His eyes don't have a hint of happiness in them like they used to. When he smiles, it's all _lies_… I know he's still _hurting_ inside. Anakin makes himself l_ook_ happy, or he _tries_ to, and I don't like that at all. I'd rather see him depressed than trying to force an emotion that he doesn't feel at all.

Glaring at the door, Anakin opened it and walked inside our room. He didn't seem surprised that it was dark in there… He's gotten _used_ to being in dark places. He sighed once he took one slow step into our dorm. I flicked on the lights and he squinted.

Now I knew why he was walking ahead of me. Anakin's face looked worn out and in his eyes I could see a _torn_ soul. His eyes were swollen and his skin was pale… The fact that Anakin didn't even eat the amount he needed made him look worse. He looked so fragile, so hurt and filled with guilt that I had to suck it up and ask him what was wrong.

Surely the response might be the same as it had been last night, but screw it. He _needed_ someone to talk to and I was here for him. I wouldn't care if I died trying to get him to talk to me. I would risk myself to help him out. The bruises were nothing to me because I knew Anakin wasn't himself. He wouldn't do that to me if he wasn't like this.

"Ani?" I whispered once he walked over to the bathroom to wash his face. "Can I ask you something?"

I waited for his response. The water continued to run and I could hear him scrubbing his face and cough a few times. My body was tensed up, a cold bead of sweat trickled down the back of my neck. Turning my back towards him, I waited. What _can_ I do to help him? Talking to him doesn't really help…

Suddenly, I felt his cool lips against my hot neck. My body shivered as I closed my eyes, remembering when he last touched me… It caused me pain. He kissed my neck quickly before sitting down on his bed.

"What would you like to ask me?" he questioned, forcing a smile upon his face. He seemed happy… Who knew if it was faked or not? If it was real…I internally sighed. It wouldn't last long. The happiness in his voice made me relax but I knew he forced himself to sound cheerful.

I bit my lip. "I'm _worried_ about you." I whispered as he arched an eyebrow. "I'm being serious right now, Anakin. I don't want you to continue living like this for the rest of your life," I said, trying to sound dignified. "You are slowly killing yourself every single fucking day!" He _was _starving himself every day.

"What if that's what I'm _trying_ to do?" he asked me with a voice laced in ice. His eyes grew cold and I was scared, but I needed him to know how important to me he was, and his response scared me even more.

"What are you saying? That you want to die? Is that it, Anakin?" I hissed, tears leaving my eyes. "Do you plan on leaving _me_? Do you plan on leaving everything? Do you plan on _not_ having a future?"

Anakin began to pant in frustration, his fists clenching. "I don't want to _hurt_ you, Ahsoka. You mean _everything_ to me and I don't want you to… experience this _pain_ with me."

I closed my eyes tightly, saying in a quiet voice, "Do you know why... Do you know why I don't want you to leave? Do you know why I haven't gone to the Council to assign me a new Master?"

Anakin looked away from me and answered in a croaked voice. "Why?"

"Because I instantly felt a _connection_ between us," I whispered, walking up to him to hold his hand. "I instantly fell for you. The feelings I felt for you were beyond that of what love is and its definition. You made me feel happy and loved. You're my Knight. You are my handsome Jedi Knight." He looked up at me. "And nothing will ever change that." Everything I said was true. The love I had for him was unbelievable. Nothing could make me rethink those feelings. Nothing at all. He's the love of my life and when we told each other we loved each other – it felt like I was reborn; crazy as that sounds, but it's true.

Anakin squeezed my hand; tears welled up in his eyes. "I'm… I-I'm sorry, love," he whispered in a broken voice. Anakin's head hung low again and he shook his head. "I can't bear it when I hurt you… I can't… I love you and I'm so sorry… I can't take away the things I've said to you nor can I erase the things I've done to you."

"Ani…" I quietly said his name, looking at him with a sad expression. "I don't want to leave you… I love you." My voice was just as broken as his. The amount of pain we've both gone through is unbearable. I didn't want to go into that again. I knew he must've hated himself for the actions he's committed these past few months.

He told me he thought of himself as a failure and unworthy to be the Chosen One. Anakin was ashamed of himself and he constantly told me that. He told me that Obi-Wan would be disappointed in him and that I should hate him instead of love him. That clearly doesn't work. When he tells me to hate him it only makes me love him more. I loved him so much more than anything.

Gently, he wrapped one arm around me and pulled me up to sit me on his lap. Anakin smiled slightly and looked me deeply into my eyes. I could feel his soul… I could feel his love towards me. It was more powerful than my love towards him. He kissed my lips and I smiled. Our foreheads were against each others as our lips separated, allowing us to catch our breath.


	4. Chapter 4

**POV: Anakin Skywalker**

I stayed with Ahsoka until I knew she was asleep. She'd curled up with me on my bed since it was slightly larger than her own. Once I felt her body relax entirely and her light snores escape her lips, I gently laid her head down on my pillow. I rolled off of the bed silently and turned to face her, pulling the blanket up to her shoulder so she wouldn't be chilled. I smiled sadly at her, wishing I could take back all the things I'd said and done. I didn't regret the way our relationship changed. I just regretted that I wasn't good enough. I didn't deserve her and she didn't deserve to hurt because of me.

I took my lightsaber and turned away, unable to keep myself from falling to pieces if I kept my eyes on her any longer. I strode out of my part of the dorm and into our main living space. I threw my hand out towards the couch and allowed the Force to surge through me as I pulled my robe into my hand. I swung it around myself. I chose to continue on until I was outside of the dorm. I stood with my back to the door and my eyes slid to a close. I breathed slowly, listening to the Force around me. It wasn't often that I actually did this, but something in me urged me to.

I could feel happiness, peace, compassion… I could feel the _Jedi._ Their presences hummed with life and the feeling swam through my body. No matter where I went, I would always feel them. My eyes slowly reopened when I found my focus. I knew what I had to do. I just wasn't sure if I could force myself to go through with it this time. Force knows how many times I have tried – and failed.

I made my way down the halls of the large temple until I found a lift that I would take up to the towers where I, without any invitation whatsoever, would consult with the Council. I wasn't sure if they were in session, but this was important to me. I felt one very strong presence beyond me as the lift slid to a stop upon reaching its destination. I inhaled, knowing that this was more than likely an addition to my list of reckless things. I'm sure Obi-Wan listed every reckless action I committed with as much detail as he could. His reports had them in them at times, but he left out the worst parts at times.

My entire body stiffened as realization dawned on me. Obi-Wan would never report to the Council about me again. I stumbled into a wall as flashes of our last mission entered my mind. I felt his searing pain course through me again. I felt his internal scream. I felt _him _as I held him. Droid parts and dead clones had littered the area around us. I held him in my arms, my knees digging into the dirt. "_Obi-Wan_," I'd pleaded, "_please, don't leave me. Please._"

I even went as far as stroking his hair back. He couldn't leave me. He said we'd be together as long as he lived. He was _meant _to have a long life, not one that ended much too soon. "_There is no death,_" he had choked out. My eyes shut tightly and I shuddered, falling to my knees that were still bruised from the last time I'd been crushed beneath the foot of reality. "_Do not… Do not mourn me._"

"_I can't… I have to._" My words were gasped cries. I loved him. He was my brother. "_You aren't supposed to die,_" I growled at him. I held him tighter to my chest and I think that had only quickened his end. I'd crushed the life out of him faster than I thought I had. "_No. No, please. Obi-Wan, please_," I begged.

"_You…were my brother, Anakin. I…I loved you…_" I held him away from my chest and I stared down at his face. His eyes locked with my own and I could see the light and life fading from them into a dull darkness as death overwhelmed him. The screams of denial that escaped me then were ripping out of me. I couldn't control the way I felt. I had never been able to control my emotions the way he did. It was my fault that he died! It was _all _my fault!

I felt myself writhing as I'd done while I held his lifeless body in my shaking arms. He wasn't supposed to leave me. He had so much to live for and it had all been taken from him by a lone shot that he had _almost _deflected. He wouldn't have died if I'd had his back like I promised I always would. That shot pierced his heart and I knew then that it was impossible to save him. I'd never been able to save the ones I love. It was my _flaw._ I loathed myself for it.

A firm hand gripped my shoulder and the images of his bloody, lifeless corpse faded away as quickly as they'd come. I gasped when I saw Master Windu. He looked genuinely concerned, which was _rare _when it came to me. I felt that he loathed me as much as a Jedi was capable of. He never wanted me to become part of the Order. He would much rather have sent me to the Agri Corps to serve the rest of my life as a farmer with no meaning to his life. He would prefer any option that ended with my not being allowed into the Order.

"Skywalker?" he asked quietly. I stared up at him, my heart racing faster than it ever had before. This man despised me to the very core. He was looking for a reason to expel me since my coming here at nine years old. More than a decade later, he was ready to take my Padawan away from me. I was considering letting him since I was losing every ounce of control I possessed, which was close to nothing as it was. He slowly crouched in front of me, coming down to my level. I slumped back against the wall breathlessly, shutting my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I breathed. I let out a few shaky breaths, before trying my damnedest to pull myself together again. I forced myself up and he rose with me. I stared at him, searching his eyes and signature for traces of resentment and disappointment. I knew they were there. There was no doubt in my mind about them being there among other distasteful feelings directed at me.

"Would you like to come to the chambers down the hall?" I was literally taken aback. Never in my time here at the temple had Windu asked such a thing that _might _resemble offering help. He'd never extended a helpful hand in my direction. He, like many others, were waiting for me to fail. I'm sure Windu was at the front of that line, waving his lightsaber around in some kind of cheer. He took my silence as uncertainty or perhaps he took it as I wasn't sure if I was allowed to speak my mind. "You came here for a reason, Skywalker," he said, gesturing to the Council chambers across the hall from us. I nodded and he, with his Jedi intuition I suppose, whispered sadly, mirroring my own emotions, "It's about Obi-Wan, isn't it?"

"Yes," I said thoughtlessly. I could have expanded upon that, but that _might _be detrimental to the other reason I came here. He gestured for me to follow him as he led us down the hall to a vacant chamber. I remember coming here to speak with Yoda about my premonitions at times. We sat on small cushioned stools across from one another. He pulled his legs up, sitting cross-legged. I imitated the motion and he stared at me, analyzing me like I knew he would.

I relaxed instantly, letting my emotions seep out of me in an enormous and overwhelming wave. I watched him react as it all crashed down on him. "You feel so much anger and hatred, Anakin," he said uneasily. "Anger and hatred directed at _yourself._" I nodded slowly in response and his eyes continued to scrutinize me. I watched him struggle to contain my emotions through the Force and I found a dark amusement in it. "Anakin, you need to release these feelings into the Force. You need to let go of this guilt and blame."

I sighed exasperatedly. My legs swung out and my feet touched the floor. I leaned forward, holding my head in both hands. "I can't let them go," I began painfully, "because I can't stop seeing him in his final moments, Master." He nodded in understanding. I didn't know how he understood. Perhaps it was because he was feeling the same way about losing Obi-Wan. They were close as well, but not as close as I had become to Obi-Wan and he to me.

"It is natural to relive the horrifying moment, Anakin." Twice in one day he's said my actual name. That was shocking as hell. It was always _Skywalker _and occasionally _boy._ He very rarely lowered himself to a first name basis with me. "You were the one he spent his last moments with. You were the last one to speak to him. You were the one to bring him back. You brought his lifeless form to the temple."

It all came back again, but at a much slower pace. After my screams died down and I was reduced to a sobbing _mess_, I'd managed to compose myself enough to drape my cloak over Obi-Wan, wrapping him with it as I had wrapped my mother after she'd passed on. I'd carried him across the city to where our ship was. Ahsoka looked horrified and the only thing I'd felt in those moments where he was lifeless in my arms was _revenge._ I needed to end this fucking war. It had taken so many people I loved. My mother died before it happened, but I'd lost so many of my friends. I'd lost Obi-Wan, the closest friend I've _ever _had. Now I was frightened by the thought that maybe Ahsoka was next.

I love Ahsoka with all of my heart. Why, I don't know, but I _do._ I don't want to dig a hole to hide her in and I don't want to protect her to the point where she does something reckless to prove that she's safe without me, but I also don't want her out of my sight. I can't risk losing her like I lost my mother and my Obi-Wan.

I suppose an hour or two went by before the conversation with Windu was over. He gave me options, ways to release these feelings, and I didn't want to use a single one. They were all pointless and useless. None of them would help clear these feelings. Well, there was one, but it hadn't been an option he'd given me. I knew he would never suggest it. No one would. What I had in mind went beyond putting me in an asylum for _thinking _it. If I didn't succeed, there was no way this would end positively.

I went to the place where I wanted the most to be. I went to Obi-Wan's quarters once again. I felt like collapsing when his signature lingered and collided with mine. The man was _gone. _I had to accept that now. I could come in here as many times as I wished, but it wouldn't bring Obi-Wan back. Nothing would bring Obi-Wan back. Hell, nothing I did was a surefire way to protect Ahsoka from the same fate either.

I wandered over to where my old room was and I found that he'd transformed it into a training room. Of course, I knew this before I came here. It had been the reason the thought even popped into my head in the first place. I pulled the punching bag down from the rope he'd attached it to and I grabbed the nearest object I was able to stand on. I stood atop it and laced the rope into a noose, and then I slipped it over my head, letting the very bottom of it scratch against my throat. It was now or never. My choice was _now._

I used the Force to shove the object out from beneath my feet. I slipped down with the noose around my neck and, as anyone else who had ever done this before, I struggled for the first few moments as my breath failed to escape me.

This was to be the end of Anakin Skywalker.


	5. Chapter 5

**POV: Ahsoka Tano**

The disturbance I felt in Anakin has been around for a very long time. He's always angry at himself and I don't want him to continue to blame himself over Obi-Wan's death. Obi-Wan wouldn't want Anakin to be like this. Both us wouldn't want to see him moping around every day. Obi-Wan wouldn't allow this and he'd try to cheer his former Padawan up. I wasn't though. I was failing Anakin and Obi-Wan. Master Kenobi would want me to make Anakin happy as much as possible. I wanted that and I tried to, but Anakin made it so damn difficult. He wouldn't smile, but he did show his love towards me an hour ago… No, it wasn't _sex_. It was just kisses and him whispering that he loved me and that he was sorry.

I shifted in his bed and opened my eyes to see that the sun was being blocked by dark storm clouds. I got up and turned to see if Anakin was still there. He wasn't. At first I thought he was just wandering around or in Obi-Wan's room again until I remembered the disturbance throughout the Force. I didn't think much of it until I could feel Anakin's distress.

I quickly got up to my feet and ran out of our dorm, my eyes searching throughout the Temple. I ran faster and faster until I was panting. I finally made it to the quiet hallway that led to Anakin's Force signature. Cautious, I tip-toed before hearing Anakin's yells of rage. The anger of his, that I could feel, hit me hard , making me feel like I was being run over. His waves of emotions came crashing down upon me. Depression, anger and hopelessness were all I could feel when I ran towards where he was.

I opened the door and began to cry. I did not expect to see him trying to gasp for air. Tears left my eyes as my eyes caught the sight of the noose and the tipped over chair. Anakin was still struggling to _kill_ himself and I hated what he was doing. His face was turning purple and his eyes were swollen with red rings around them. The noose held tightly around his neck, making it look as if the rope was tighter than I thought it would be.

Anakin kicked and clawed at his throat while I tried to calm him down and get him out of there. I grabbed my lightsaber and activated it, cutting the rope from his neck. He gasped, panting and sweating.

"Anakin!" I cried after calling the med droids to come and help. "Why…? Why would you do this to yourself?!" I sobbed to him as he rested his head on top of my lap. I brushed his hair out his face and began to cry more. "Damn it, Anakin… What am I going to do with you?" I let my tears fall once fellow Jedi came in to carry him to the medical wing.

_**Hours later…**_

The anxiety building up inside me began to destroy me. I felt as if my world was crumbling down. Anger and sadness was all I felt as I waited impatiently for any news of Anakin. The doctors haven't informed me on Anakin's mental health or his physical. I'm just hoping he's okay. I mean, what the fuck am I doing here? Why haven't they informed me on Anakin?!

"Miss Tano?" a droid called my name.

I immediately got up. "Is my Master okay?" I breathed, walking up to stand in front of it, tears welling up in my eyes.

"We're still uninformed about him… But I was calling you about Master Kenobi's passing. He had a blast wound close to the heart but it seemed he could've been saved. We don't know exactly why he died."

I cared about Obi-Wan, and I don't know if I should tell Anakin this but I needed to know more about him. "I need to know what's going on with my Master!" I hollered.

"We're trying everything we can to see what is going on with him, miss. We aren't informed yet on your master." The medical droid tried to calm me down.

I rolled my eyes, and looked at it in a sickening way. "He better be alright, droid," I growled, jerking away from its touch, "Or all of _you_ will pay…" I whispered the last sentence because the droid might call the security on me for threatening the people.

I walked down the halls of the medical wing and glanced at everything. From the IVs to the heart monitors to the empty gurneys and the deserted wheelchairs. It hurt me when I saw a blood gurney… hoping it wasn't my Anakin's blood.

I looked down at the drenched gurney and held onto the rails tightly until my knuckles turned white. That's when I began to sob, closing my eyes tightly. I shook violently as I tried to control myself and my inner was watching me from her master's doorway to her room. She had her arms crossed, looking at me sadly.

I ignored her, too hurt to even talk to her. She understood that I needed space right now and I appreciated that. I glanced at the necklace Anakin gave me for my sixteenth birthday before biting my lip. I walked over to Master Unduli's room as Barriss gave me a sad look.

Luminara had her eyes drooped and she looked badly hurt. I just thought it was a simple black eye that would heal… But I was wrong. Barriss looked at her master and placed a hand on her shoulder. "The doctors said she's lucky to be alive…" she breathed, holding back the emotions.

During a mission to Naboo, Anakin and I were meeting with Barriss and Luminara to finally get rid of the Separatists. The day was a normal day, sure it was raining but that didn't stop us from trying to win the war. The battle continued for days and just when we thought it was over, Master Luminara was attacked. I was the only one there because Anakin was ordering troops to continue the battle in another location while Barriss had to go back to the Republic cruiser.

"I'm grateful…" Luminara's hoarse voice made me flinch.

I shook my head. "For what?"

"You saved me before they could do anymore damage, Ahsoka," she told me. I didn't know what to say after that. We just stood in silence before Master Luminara asked me a question. "Where's Master Skywalker?" she asked. Her smile stretched across her lips, waiting for my response.

I closed my eyes and bowed my head. "I don't know," I replied, shrugging. The doctors weren't helping at all with the information I needed.

"What does that mean? Is he okay?" she asked me.

I began to lose it. "I have no idea!" I hollered, wanting to destroy things. "They won't let me in! They won't inform me on him! They won't inform me on anything!" I shouted.

"Ahsoka, calm down!" Barriss pleaded. Master Unduli's and Barriss's eyes were filled with fright.

"I'm sorry…" I breathed in pain, almost starting to cry.

Luminara looked at me with a solemn expression. She must've thought of the amount of pain I was going through. "Ahsoka, I care about Anakin too… I'm hoping he's alright and healthy but right now we can't do anything about it."

"I could…" I responded. "I could help him… I could've been there –" I began until Barriss interrupted me.

"You can't help him every single second of his life, Ahsoka."

"I know you may say you're better —" Luminara continued.

"Don't say I'm better off dead. 'Cause hell is full and heaven won't have me." I growled, not wanting to look at anyone but Anakin right now. "I just… do you know how it feels to just feel useless… hopeless? Like you can't do a Force damn thing about it?" I questioned them. They didn't answer. Then, I thought of the worst thing I have ever thought of. "If… if he dies… do you honestly think that I would care for my own life? Or even want to live anymore?" I asked them. "Do you _honestly_ think I'd let … myself live if _he_ committed _suicide_?"

Barriss looked worried for me but she didn't know what to say or do. Even Master Unduli stayed quite. "Ahsoka…" She shook her head. "Do you know how that would hurt Anakin? Do you know how _devastated_ he'll be if _you_ killed yourself?"

"If I kill myself, he won't know!" I hollered. "I can't just stand here and do absolutely nothing while he's slowly dying!"

Luminara shook her head. "For Force sake's, Ahsoka! Have you lost your mind?"

"No!" I shouted. "I'm done here! I want to be left alone," I said and grabbed my cloak, speed walking away.

"Ahsoka!" She shouted but I ignored her. I continued to walk, ignoring her and Luminara's shouts. I kicked a trash can over and plunged onto my knees, weeping. The fact that the medics kept everything from me made me feel more useless.

I walked around the hospital and looked up at the rainy sky. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to relax. "Eyes like a speeder crash. I know I shouldn't look, but I can't turn away," I whispered to myself, thinking of Anakin. I remembered how Anakin's eyes opened quickly whenever he woke up. She smiled and wished she could tell him how she feels and feel his presence. "Body like a whiplash. Salt my wounds, but I can't heal the way I feel about you." Again, I continued to whisper that song, marking the words on the dirt with a stick.

I looked down at my arms and touched my wounds. I sighed and closed my eyes again, remembering to not cut; keeping my mind away from that and thinking of Anakin instead. My mind was full of memories with him. My hand instantly marked the sentences: '_Will the hunger ever stop? Can we simply starve this sin?_' onto the saturated dirt.

I shook my head and buried my face into my cold, numb hands. I smiled when he kissed me for the first time. I told him that I've never been kissed before and that made him smile. It felt like I belonged to him and he belonged to me. As if we were meant for each other. I remembered when he came back to me after a long mission. How it felt to have him in my arms. No more _worrying_. No more _guilt_… just _pure_ love.

I somehow wandered back to the freezing waiting room and sat down on the somewhat comfortable seats. I grabbed a magazine and flipped through the pages, my fingers creasing the edges of the paper. I shifted my right leg over my left and shook it. I began to wait impatiently. The chrono ticked and it tocked, moving slower than the slowest life form in the galaxy. The chrono made me feel like I have waited many years in this chair.

"Anakin Skywalker's Padawan?" The droid called out.

I immediately got up and walked over to the droid. I wasn't angry or whatever, I was just relieved that there was news of Anakin. "Yes, that's me," I told the droid, wiping my eyes from any remaining tears. I just wanted to see my love.

"Come this way, miss," it told me and slowly turned, making its way to Anakin's room.

My eyes swept throughout the hospital hallway again. All the children crying… People sobbing from the excruciating pain of their disabilities or the aftermath of their surgeries. The deserted gurneys left alone without a patient. A human nurse mopping some blood off the tiled and slippery floor.

Finally my eyes caught his still figure. His eyes were closed and his pale lips were slightly parted. I knew he'd hate himself again and I had to make him not envy the failure in his life. Anakin was covered by a hospital blanket as an IV was piercing his vein. His body looked so thin. It looked as if one touch would shatter him. The heartbeat monitor was at a calm, peaceful pace just the way I remembered Anakin's heartbeat whenever I rested my head against his chest.

The droid cautioned me, telling me to call the medics if anything was wrong. I nodded and thanked the droid before it strolled off to another patient. I almost collapsed onto my knees and breakdown but I couldn't. I had to be strong for him. For my Anakin. He was the reason why I was defensive more than I've ever been in my life. I was more protective around him.

He groaned in pain, opening his eyes slightly. "Soka…?"

I dropped my bag and hold his hand gently, whispering, "I'm here, Ani. I'm here."

He gulped and moaned in pain again. "W-Where am I?" he asked me. His voice sounded raspy as he tried to speak to me.

My head literally dropped and I couldn't take it anymore. "A-Ani, you're in the medical wing." I tried to calm myself as my words were hard to comprehend. "You… tried to commit _suicide_, Anakin." I cried silently. "Why would you do that?"

He remained still for a moment, not knowing what to say. His lips opened, hesitating to find the right words as his breathing shuddered and tears streamed down his own cheeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**POV: Anakin Skywalker**

_No, no, no. No! _I was _not _supposed to be alive! The whole reason for _doing _that was so that I _wouldn't _survive. I wanted to release the guilt, release the pain, and just let go of my life as it was. I was meant to _die._ I knew I was alive. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest erratically. I could hear the machines whirring around me. I could hear people and droids moving about. I could feel them all as well. I didn't want to open my eyes. I just couldn't. I couldn't imagine who'd found me trying to kill myself, but I didn't want to find out. Whoever it was had probably reported me to the Council, which meant Ahsoka would know by now.

My eyes wanted so desperately to stay closed, but I needed to suck it up and face reality sooner or later. I might as well just get it over with. I slowly allowed my eyes to open. My vision was hazy and distorted. I lifted my human hand to rub away the wetness that blocked a majority of my sight. Had I been crying while I was unconscious? "Lay still," the droid ordered, coming closer to me. I looked up at it and laid my head back, frowning. "You are stable for now."

I swallowed roughly. "I d-don't…" I sighed. My voice was hoarse and it hurt to speak.

"Your Padawan is waiting outside. Would you like for her to come in?" I wanted to say no. I didn't want Ahsoka to see me like this. The pain surging through my body caused my neck to hurt like hell. There was no easy way to explain this to anyone. I closed my eyes again and gave a slight nod. Face it, Skywalker. You fucked up. You couldn't even kill yourself properly.

The droid left the room. It wasn't as bright as the medical wing normally was, so this had to be somewhere different. I felt her presence draw near as I tried to relax my tense body. The door flew open and her boots echoed on the floor as she moved closer. "S-Soka?" I asked, groaning. As I opened my eyes a bit, it was difficult to see again. I heard something thud against the floor as it was dropped and she was at my side in an instant.

She took my hand in hers gently. She was probably afraid that I was going to shatter because I was so fragile. I really wasn't fragile. If anything, my body is far too resilient. If it weren't, I wouldn't be in this situation right now. "I'm here, Ani," she whispered. I felt like time had stopped. My mother's nickname for me sounded beautiful coming from this young girl. _Girl._ I had to remind myself that she is six years my junior. "I'm here."

I gulped, an agonizing feat, and let out a painful moan as I tried to sit up. "W-Where am I?" My voice still sounded as bad as it had not five minutes ago. I wanted to clear my throat, but I was afraid of hurting myself more. I deserved the pain. I knew I did, but I didn't want to feel it right now. I would do something to myself later to make up for it.

I was able to see blurred colors in front of me that resembled Ahsoka's skin, montrals, facial markings, and clothing. I was surprised and hurt by how dreadful she felt as she bowed her head. "A-Ani, you're in the medical wing." I could feel that she wanted to say more. I could feel the anger and pain she was trying to conceal from me and I wished she wouldn't do that. She doesn't… Well, I can't blame her. She didn't _need _to hide from me, but I would be a hypocrite if I asked her to open up to me since I'd done everything but that since Obi-Wan's death. "You…tried to commit _suicide_, Anakin," she hissed. I knew tears were forming in her eyes as she spoke. Her voice was enough of an indicator. I knew what I'd done. I didn't forget that. I would never forget that. "Why would you do that?" She sounded _so _hurt and it broke my heart. Again, that was another pain I deserved.

I tried to think of some reason to justify the attempt, but it all led back to her more than likely deeming I was insane. I probably am. I just laid still on the medical bed. I had no idea what I wanted to say. When you're planning to kill yourself, you don't exactly have an explanation speech prepared should it fail because you don't think it _will _fail. I was too overconfident, as I always had been. My overconfidence was going to be used to my detriment someday. That day being _today._

My lips parted as I tried to form some coherent thought and speak. I still could not find a reasonable excuse for doing what I did. I wondered if '_I'm a fucking idiot_' would suffice, but it probably wouldn't with Ahsoka. My heart felt like it was shrinking in on itself and I had difficulty breathing for a moment. It was brief, and I shuddered when I was able to breathe again. Tears started pouring uncontrollably down my face and I closed my eyes. "I couldn't do it," I said shakily. "I can't control it."

She lifted her hand and stroked my hair back a little. I could feel her sending warm, comforting pulses through our bond, but I was in too much pain. It was emotional and physical pain. I had failed Obi-Wan. I had failed Ahsoka. I had failed _myself._ The physical pain was my own fault. I was hurting myself because I couldn't cope with the way things have gone. I lost my Master and my best friend. I can't lose Ahsoka, too. Not when I…when I… "Control what, Master?"

I blinked quickly several times in an attempt to clear my watery vision. "I don't want to fight alone anymore," I sobbed. I hadn't meant to sound this pathetic, but it turned out that way. She leaned closer and slid one hand over my chest. "Can you feel my heart?" It was a ridiculous question, but I was starting to get the overwhelming feeling of _maybe _this was my own personal hell post mortem. I hadn't wanted Ahsoka to find out about the suicide attempt. Maybe I _did _succeed.

She gave me a curious look, but moved her hand towards where my heart was. I watched her face and she smiled a little. "It's beating very fast, Anakin. Yes, I feel it."

"Am I truly alive?" I whispered. She leaned over me and pressed his warm lips against my forehead. "I assume that's a yes."

"Yes," she breathed, "you _are _alive. I can feel your life, Anakin." She sat on the medical bed with me and held my cybernetic hand in hers. It was quiet if you didn't count our breathing. Our eyes were closed and I was attempting to sink into a healing trance to seal open wounds and fix whatever I may have damaged as a result of my idiotic suicide attempt. "Can you tell me why you tried you kill yourself? Please."

Without opening my eyes, I responded. I knew she would hate me for it, but I… Part of me wanted to be honest with her finally. I would scare her as much as I was beginning to scare myself. "I feel so empty," I whispered. "I feel like I have no purpose. I have no motivation." I felt her pain surge through our bond and I cringed. "I–"

She pressed her fingers to my lips and shook her head. "I know what you meant." She smiled weakly at me once more and I pushed myself up a little. She protested, but I sat up anyway. I slid an arm around her waist and her own wrapped around me. "I care about you so much. I don't want to lose you." She buried her face in my chest and I frowned deeply. If I had succeeded, who knows what I would have done to Ahsoka? It made me wonder if she would go insane as I had. She would feel as though she'd failed me. I felt like I failed Obi-Wan and I was prepared to take myself out as a result of it.

I was a fucking lunatic. I should take Ahsoka's feelings into consideration before I think about killing myself. I was a wreck without my Master and he wasn't actually _my _Master anymore since I was now a Knight. I, however, _am_ Ahsoka's Master. I could have hurt her more than I did myself and I didn't want her to go through hell. She… She is such a sweet, young girl. I wanted to let go of my life and leave before it could get worse, but I would be leaving her behind. I would have abandoned Ahsoka.

"Bastard."

"What?"

I blinked. Had I really said that aloud? _Fuck, Skywalker!_ "Nothing," I muttered, my face flushing. She pulled back a bit to stare up at my face and I tried to relax.

"Don't call yourself such crude things," she whispered. "You're a sweetheart and a very wonderful human being." I sighed and she held my sides, staring up at me. She was trying to will me to believe her, but I couldn't. Not that easily.

"I'm selfish." She was about to protest that as well and I shook my head before she could even speak. "Hear me out." I watched her carefully and she nodded, allowing me the opportunity to speak my mind. I didn't know how clear or rational it would sound, but… "I'm sorry for doing what I did. I was selfish since I didn't even consider your feelings." I moved her hands away from my sides and held them each in one of my hands. "I don't blame you if you don't believe me," I started quietly, "but I love you, Ahsoka, very much."

She looked uncertain for a few moments. Again, I wouldn't blame her for not believing me. I was the king of making a fool of myself lately. Hell, I collapsed in front of Mace Windu earlier. That was the epitome of making a fool of myself. I'm _supposed _to be the Chosen One. I'm _supposed _to stand up for everyone, not _fall down _because I lost the only person I ever truly felt close to since my mother's death. I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I _knew _that. I've told myself that since becoming Obi-Wan's Padawan. I'd failed numerous times during my trainings to try to prove myself to him and the frustration overwhelmed me.

I felt like I had so much to live up to with my title, but I really wasn't sure if I did or not. I wasn't sure if I could even accomplish _being _the Chosen One. How the hell was I supposed to balance the galaxy like this? I'm ready to throw my life away in an instant. I'm ready to just end everything I've known for the last decade or so. I was- "I love you, too." My attention snapped back to her and I stared at her. Had I heard her right? Her lekku stripes darkened in embarrassment and I felt my face flush again. "I love you," she said timidly.

She curled up against me and I held her. I closed my eyes and rested my head against hers. If I'd succeeded in my attempt, I may not have the chance to _prove _that I love her. I wanted to prove that I do. Ahsoka means so much to me. "I love you," I said. "I can't lose you." My voice broke despite the fact that I was _trying _to keep it steady. "I…can't bear the thought of you not living…"

She squeezed me as tightly as she could without snapping any bones in my body and I held my breath until she let go, and then I exhaled. "You won't lose me, Master. I promise." She lifted one hand to stroke my hair again and smiled such a beautiful smile… "We'll be together as long as we can, Master." Each time she called me Master, I wanted to tell her that we couldn't be anything more than a Master and apprentice relationship… I couldn't bring myself to do that though. I would be lying to her if I said I didn't want to be in love with her. I knew this was wrong. I _shouldn't _love my Padawan. It was forbidden for a Master to involve themselves with their student. It was also forbidden for Jedi to love.

Well, you know what? _Fuck _the Jedi, their damned Code, and _everything _else.

I gently tilted Ahsoka's face up towards mine by her chin and pressed my lips against hers.

**A/N: Thank you for all of the lovely reviews! We both appreciate them very much! In response to the "Guest" review, yes, this story is based on "Can You Feel My Heart?" by Bring Me the Horizon. The two of us have both done a video on YouTube using the song and we came together to work on a fic revolving around it as well. :) **


	7. Chapter 7

**POV: Ahsoka Tano**

I was shocked when Anakin actually feared _losing_ me and that he couldn't bear the thought of me not living. I assured him that he won't lose me, that he never will, and that we'll be together as long as we can. The fears he had for me were _very_ similar to my own for him. I feared that I'd lose him. The thoughts continued to torment my mind constantly. Whenever he was away to some sort of solo-mission I'd always fear that something tragic happened. _Visions_… _thoughts_ of his cold, dead corpse in front of me… I always see his corpse coming to the entrance of the Temple and me just hopelessly standing there. I feared that those visions would actually come true when he attempted suicide not too long ago.

Every night whenever I'd dreamt such things, I would cry myself to sleep. I thought that there's no use in crying; all my tears won't drown my pain. That thought didn't help at all. My hands would search for his body, trying to feel him when I _feared_ losing him. He was my _everything_ and I can never bring myself to the point of seeing any evil in him. He wasn't evil. Anakin wasn't the man that everyone thought he was. The Jedi believed that they couldn't truly trust him after Obi-Wan's death.

I held Anakin close to me as he held my hands in his. I rested my head against his chest as we laid on the bed. The doctors didn't confirm when exactly Anakin could leave, but they told us that maybe he should stay at least one night to make sure he's okay.

I loved Anakin so much and I know that I will _always_ be there for him. I would never leave him to figure things out on his own. I will be at his side whenever he needs me. My heart is torn… just in knowing that Anakin will someday have to learn to let go of the people he loved. I was trying very hard to prevent him from experiencing any more deaths. Death can't be prevented, but I won't let him witness one again. He'll never be alone because I'll always love him and be there for him.

'_If it's not forever; if it's just tonight. Oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest…' _

Anakin smiled as he heard the words. His grip tightened around my hand. I knew he loved escaping his life by listening to music. That's what he told me last time. He admitted that he prefers to listen to music to ease his mind and that it takes him to a whole different world. I believed him. I did the same and I could agree with him entirely.

He held me tighter in his arms as night consumed the city-planet. The lights of the city almost blinded me because they were so bright even from here. My eyes shifted from outside to Anakin. He was staring down at me with a tiny smirk on his face. "How'd you know I like this song?" he asked me, kissing my forehead. The song was probably on its second repeat and we had it on low volume since there was a small child next door with other patients.

I laughed softly. "Who doesn't love the song?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "Well, it's not appropriate for young children." His eyes shifted to motion next door before looking back at me.

"You have a point there," I giggled, "though I don't see why that would make people not like it," I said, brushing his cheek with the back of my hand.

Anakin smiled at me. "And this song is too sexual. So sexual that it may turn me on," he teased.

Rolling my eyes, I sighed and changed the song. A song that we both loved played in the background. This song always made me get emotional… how I felt towards him was just unbelievable when I discovered those feelings towards him. I wanted us to just forget the world. To forget what we're told by the Jedi before we get too old. Looking outside again, I held back the tears that were threatening to leave my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me, protectively. I didn't notice that he covered us up with the blanket. It was pretty cold in here, typical for a medical wing. Anakin pressed his lips against mine once I turned around. We were both on each other's sides but his upper half was above me and mine was below him, my head on top of the soft pillow. "We don't need anything or anyone…" he whispered with a big smile on his face. He was right. All I _needed_ was him. _Only him_. He was the reason why I'm still here, why I'm still a Jedi, why I'm still alive… If I lost him today or any day… I'd lose my mind and go insane. I would commit suicide to just stop the agonizing days without him.

I let a tear fall, holding his flesh hand in mine. "If I lay here… If I just lay here… Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" I asked him, looking up to notice his eyes had tears in them. At first, we didn't quite know what to say or how we felt. Now…I feel like those three words are said too much and they're not enough. He laid his head against my chest and closed his eyes. I breathed regularly but my heart was picking up its pace. My fingers lightly brushed his hair. His breathing was the same as mine. There was no silence; the music fed our hungry, desperate, broken souls, healing them with the meaningful words. I'll save him from himself. We've walked this path for way too long but we still carry on. I always wondered if there is hope for us. If we can make it out alive, I won't give up on him. "I won't give up on you," I breathed to him as our free hands intertwined.

Anakin lifted up his head and grimaced when he did. I flinched when I heard him hiss. The scars on his body… Especially the fresh new scars around his neck made me believe that he was more vulnerable than anything. He rolled over until he was on top of me. Luckily, his room was private, but anyone could've entered whenever they wanted. I frowned at that and just when I sighed, Anakin locked the door. His fingers slightly brushed my cheek as he gave me a weak smile. "Love, I don't want you to worry about me… that much. I'll be okay…" he trailed off but continued in a soft whisper. "I know you won't give up on me." He kissed my nose for a split second. "I won't give up on you," he promised me.

I smiled weakly up at him as he gazed lovingly at me. "Anakin, I love you so much…" I told him after a few moments of pure silence. "There has never been a day where I don't think about you."

He chuckled, being careful with his vulnerable neck. "I love you so much more than you love me, Snips." He arched an eyebrow, our hands intertwining again. "Just… thinking of you… dead…" he trailed off once more, the air hitching in his throat. He shook his head sadly… so slow that it felt like he was in so much pain. His body trembled so badly that his figure looked blurry. Anakin clenched his fists and shut his eyes, bowing his head. "I-I'm… I'm lost without you." He wept, silent cries escaping his lips. Anakin always had this way of not showing any emotions but clearly he didn't… He must've not cared right now. The feelings he had towards someone was always the reason why he kept fighting and to keep them safe. He loved me… but he feared that he'd lose me.

I titled his head up very slowly, making sure it doesn't hurt him. "Ani, you will not lose me," I promised him. "I'm not going anywhere… not without you," I assured him. I knew I was promising something I may not be able to keep, but I didn't want him to experience anymore losses. I knew I couldn't prevent death… I know I will die sooner or later. As of right now, I will continue living for him.

Minutes passed, I had to step out of the way when the droids had to check Anakin in the morning. After everyone left, and I could finally return to the room, the song '_You Could Be Happy_' silently played as Anakin was already getting ready to leave the medical wing. He was in the refresher, probably examining himself.

He walked up to me, taking my hand once he left the refresher. "Are you okay?" he asked softly. Tears left my eyes as I quietly heard the song.

"You know this song reminds me of you," I whispered as we looked outside. "When you leave or when you're not with me at all… I hear this song and think of you." When he left to missions that lasted forever, I felt so alone. As if no one was here for me. The feeling was that of emptiness. I have been feeling like this ever since Obi-Wan's passing as well. When Master Kenobi passed away, I felt as if his passing took a part of my Ani. I knew Master Kenobi and my Master were like brothers; they cared for one another just like how Anakin cared for me… "It was before we admitted our feelings towards each other," I said as the song ended. "I'll love you no matter what."

"Snips–"

"Even though you and I have done idiotic things such as harming ourselves–"

"–Or me wasting my stipend on drugs and alcohol..."

"That doesn't _matter_ anymore." I shook my head. "That's all in the past. We should act like our age from now on," I explained. "Master Plo's probably right. How can the Council trust us if we continue to act like this?"

The Council has doubted me. I can't… I always felt like I couldn't trust anyone anymore except for Anakin. The Republic was also another reason that I doubted several Senators and its citizens. I believed in democracy, but the people were the problem. Something about the citizens made me lack faith that this Republic will last.

I looked at him, desperate, waiting for him to say something. To commit to the promise. "I'll do everything in my power to keep myself clean and put an end to the things I've done," he vowed before saying, "Do you promise me you'll stop harming yourself too?"

I nodded. "Anything for the most important man in my life," I whispered, promising him.

We arrived at the Temple a couple of minutes later; Rex was awaiting our arrival. He smiled at both of us and greeted us very warmly. He knew Anakin was taken to the Medical wing… He just didn't know why. Rex was like Anakin's best friend, kind of like a brother figure. They'd joke around and did other things that any best friends would do. "General Skywalker, Commander Tano, it's good to see that both of you are alright." He smiled and gestured towards the entrance of the Temple.

Anakin cringed a little, not knowing what was to come. I could already see the Council questioning his actions and Master Windu literally yelling his head off. I closed my eyes, not knowing how we would make it through this time since we don't have anyone defending Anakin. He must've been thinking the same thing. I could clearly tell by his facial expression.

I sighed and nodded towards Rex. "Thanks, Rex." I smiled and took Anakin's hand to lead him towards the entrance.

"Do you think the Council will contact us?" he asked me in a whisper as we walked to our dorm. I could feel his uneasiness and anger towards the Council. I didn't know why he was upset with the Council, but then again, I envied the Council myself.

"Oh yeah… We'll go together when they contact us." I assured him. I held his hand tighter until we made it inside the main hall of the Temple. I didn't want to, but since Jedi were _forbidden_ to love… we had to. Unless we wanted to be separated or kicked out of the Order.

Anakin easily sat down on the couch as I opened the curtains that darkened the room. I heard him mutter, "Damn," quietly after readjusting himself on the couch. My mind was set on cleaning and making sure Anakin was alright. He was still sitting, flexing his body a little. He must've been sore due to laying down so much. I pouted as I thought of what the Council would do… Especially since Anakin attempted to commit suicide. I wasn't sure if they'd let this action slide. He almost ended his life and I'm pretty sure they'd make stupid decisions on what to do with Anakin.

Anakin held me closer to him as we waited in fear for the Council to contact us. He buried his face against my neck as he held my right hand in his. He must've been frightened of what will happen to him and I didn't blame him. I would be scared as well. Just seeing him… Imagining him defenseless without anyone protecting him… _No_. I wouldn't allow that. I would be by his side every second of everyday. The com beeped and we heard a very familiar voice. "_Anakin, the Council wishes to speak with you._" he said, timidly.

I sighed and held him closer to me. The Council was going to make our lives more difficult. Suddenly, my holoprojecter that was on the small table beeped. I groaned and got up to answer it. I was surprised by who I saw in front of me.

_Lux Bonteri…_

I could feel Anakin's tension almost immediately.


	8. Chapter 8

**POV: Anakin Skywalker**

Two weeks. That's how long it took for me to go insane, or rather damn near close. At Ahsoka's insistence, we went along with Bonteri's request for protection from two Jedi, those two being Ahsoka and _me._ It was no secret that I despised the young and fairly new senator. He had played with Ahsoka's mind and toyed with her emotions and I was _not _going to let that slide. However, these last two weeks have been pure _hell._ All he's done since our arrival on Onderon was attempt to seduce Ahsoka and take her into his bedchambers at each opportunity he was presented with, which was mainly when I was speaking with guards about rotations and such. Fucking bastard.

Ahsoka came back into our assigned bedroom and gave me a faint smile that I only saw when I looked up from my datapad. "You're tense," she whispered. I set the datapad down and she came closer. She crawled across the bed until she was sitting right beside me. "Are you okay?" I shrugged halfheartedly and she sighed, taking my hand in hers. "Anakin, you can talk to me. I know there's been something on your mind."

"It's just–" I'm a jealous bastard. I want to kill Bonteri. I want to take you back to Coruscant and keep you locked in our room with me. "–I'm kind of tired. I haven't been sleeping well." She nodded and curled up against me. I draped my arm around her and smiled weakly. "I hope this mission doesn't last much longer. You know how much I hate politics." I hadn't _hated _politics until I grew more and more interested in Padme Amidala. We had attempted to start a relationship shortly before the outbreak of the war and it hadn't lasted due to the fact that her duties came before me. I had to prioritize things in my own life and I'd decided that the Jedi came before her and I had fallen out of love with her as time went by. I was assigned a Padawan to train as well as many missions, one after the other. There wasn't time for a Jedi to romance a senator. I wasn't sure there would even be time for Ahsoka and I to properly romance one another.

"And what else?" I refocused on her and cocked an eyebrow. "Don't play me for a fool, my love. I know you far too well." I rolled my eyes and flopped down onto my back. She shifted herself so that she was lying on my chest and I was staring up at her beautiful face. "Is it Lux?" I tried to keep my _gag _in. She was calling him by his first name. What the fuck? For the past two weeks it was _Senator Bonteri._ Why had that changed all of a sudden?

"Now you're on a first name basis with _him?_" I all but hissed at her. I moved her off of me and slid from the bed, deciding where exactly I could go right now to get my mind off of Bonteri. Perhaps I could just _kill_ the little shit and get it over with…

She swiftly moved to my side and pressed the palms of her hands against my pectorals and gave me a pleading look. "Ani, what is it? Is it something about him? Tell me."

I gave her an aggravated sigh. "I don't like how much time you're spending with him. You…You should be helping me with the guard and security issue, Soka." I was trying not to sound desperate, but I was afraid that I would ultimately lose her. I was afraid that I wasn't showing that I truly loved her lately. We spent our nights together, but was that really symbolic of our love? We cuddled, caressed, kissed… It just didn't seem enough and I wanted everything to be as satisfactory as possible for her.

She gave me a warm smile and it only served to piss me off further. There was nothing _warm _about the moment. How could there be? I was bitching about her spending almost all of her time with _Lux._ I even hissed his name when I thought it. "Ani–"

"Just forget it. I'm sure he wants you to spend more of your precious time with him. I have other things I need to take care of. I'll see you at dinner." I hadn't meant to snap, but I couldn't help it either. I stormed away from her and out of our quarters until I realized that I needed the datapad I left inside the room. I palmed my face and sighed, going back inside to see her sitting on the bed, staring at the floor. "Ahsoka–"

"I'm sorry, Anakin. I didn't know how bothered you were by this." She looked up at me with tears pooling in her eyes and I gave her a distraught look. I hadn't meant to make her cry either. I sighed and shook my head, moving closer to her. I knelt in front of her and hugged her waist, resting my head against her chest, stroking her back with my human hand. "I'm sorry that I've been ignoring you so much."

I breathed slowly, closing my eyes. "Don't be sorry, little one." I slid both arms around her and held her to me as tightly as I could without crushing her. "I'm being an ass and I'm sorry. You're just doing your duty to him."

"My duty is to serve you," she whispered. My eyes snapped open and I recoiled from her, staring at her in disbelief. _Serve _me? Her eyes widened when she realized the slip. "I–I didn't mean it like that, Ani. You _know _I didn't mean it like that," she said hurriedly.

She bit her lip and I lifted my hand to stroke her cheek. "I know. I'm sorry. I reacted badly to such an innocent statement…"

"I said it without thinking, Anakin." I shrugged and decided to let it go. There was no sense in divulging a past that no longer mattered. That part of my life was over before Ahsoka entered and I was not about to go back into it and drag her down with me. I gently took her face in my hands and leaned closer to press my lips against hers. "Do you forgive me?"

"Of course," I said without skipping a beat. There was nothing to _not _forgive. "I love–" My com began beep incessantly on my wrist and I groaned, rolling my eyes. She gave me a sympathetic smile and I kissed her once more before answering. "Skywalker here," I said.

"_Master Skywalker._" My eyes hardened into a glare as I stared at the comlink and Ahsoka's hands began rubbing my shoulders soothingly.

"Yes?" I said through gritted teeth. My entire body seemed to tense with those two words indicative of _me._ Ahsoka shifted her hands to my hair and played with my dirty blond curls. I tried to look at her lovingly, but it didn't help that the bastard who threatened me was on the com with me at the same time.

"_We will be beginning dinner earlier than was planned. I hope you don't mind._" I internally growled at that. I had other things planned until the evening drew closer and now this little brat was going to fuck everything up. Leave it to a Force damned teenager to ruin the plans I'd made. Ahsoka ran her hands along my thighs and I sighed.

"Of course I don't mind," I forced myself to say. I really wanted to tell him that _yes_, I did fucking mind, but I was in Ahsoka's presence and I didn't want to make things difficult for her just because I'm _jealous._ She gave me an apologetic smile and I forced myself to relax. There was no point in getting upset with her. She hadn't done me wrong. It was the Bonteri bastard who was irritating the hell out of me. He demanded that I ensure _his _security team was observant every moment of the blasted day and I had to tend to their needs because the brat didn't give them the necessary supplies. I even thought about giving one a blaster and persuading him with the aid of the Force to murder the senator brutally.

These men would have been very easy to persuade. They weren't nearly as strong minded or willed as Jedi or other life forms. "_Good. If you and Padawan Tano will join me in the dining hall, we will begin._"

"Very well," I said. I shut the comlink off and Ahsoka hugged me.

"I'm sorry, sweetie," she whispered. I breathed in her naturally beautiful scent and sighed. "I wish I could take the stress away from you, even if it was only for a little while. I love you far too much to watch you suffer."

I laughed quietly. "I'm not suffering anymore." That was…kind of a lie. I was still occasionally inflicting pain on myself and I had a bit too much to drink sometimes. I continued to buy deathsticks even though I knew that was part of the list of things I promised Ahsoka I would _stop _doing. It would take time. She would understand that… If I actually had the balls to tell her that is. For right now, I didn't have it in me to tell her I was continuing to fail the promise I'd made to her. I could only imagine the look of disappointment she'd give me upon learning that I was still harming and abusing substances.

I took care _not _to tip her off, however. I made sure I was always showered very well and that my teeth were always as clean as could be. I overused the mouthwash as well to keep the smell of alcohol, smoke, and other drugs _out._ She didn't need to worry about me. I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Well, somewhat. She still kept tabs on me when I was in a very low mood. She was afraid I would attempt suicide again and I was trying my hardest to avoid going to such drastic and desperate measures once again.

She gave me a small smile and led me from our room to the dining hall. We sat beside one another as we'd done each night we were invited to dine with him. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't invite Ahsoka without inviting me. He rarely asked us both to dine with him because he didn't want her _Master _to oversee his plans to seduce my apprentice.

I pulled her chair back and motioned for her to sit. She smiled graciously at me and took a seat. I helped her scoot forward before taking my place at her side. She kept watching me to make sure I wouldn't explode, no doubt.

Bonteri sat across from us, giving her an amused and attempt-at-seduction smile. "Thank you _both _for joining me." Hardly, you brat. You're so obviously looking over my oblivious Padawan. I glanced at her to see that she was still smiling and her shields were faltering, which allowed me to see into her thoughts. She seemed to _want _me to see what was going through her head and it elicited a _searing _surge of heat to shoot to my groin involuntarily. I shifted and let my shields fall a little. She allowed her sexual fantasy to flow through our bond, so didn't that give me the right to do the same?

"We're both very happy to be here," she answered when I refused to speak directly to him. I watched her skin flush and a bit of sweat formed on her neck. She licked her lips and I smirked. "Very happy," she said under her breath, fumbling with her hands beneath the table.

A very…light and awkward conversation ensued until dinner was brought out to us. It was some _delicious shit _as I recall deeming it several days ago. Eating this had not ended well in regards to the time spent in the refresher – for the both of us. Something in it made me hurl for hours on end and it just upset her stomach to the point where she wasn't sure if she wanted to leave the refresher or not.

This was going to be an interesting night. I would definitely need to bring a few pillows and blankets into the refresher. I was most definitely _not _leaving it tonight and I assumed she wouldn't leave me alone in there either, which meant I couldn't pretend my wrists or ankles were Bonteri's neck tonight.

_Damn it._


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Since we aren't really sure how to translate anything into Ahsoka's native tongue, Anisoka21 used French for her home language. She added the translations in italics.**

**POV: Ahsoka Tano**

Dinner went fairly well. Well, not really. Lux kept his gaze on me for a majority of the time, as did Anakin. I didn't quite know how to react to their gaze at me. I didn't mind Anakin gazing at me, but Lux's stare made me feel a little uncomfortable. Anakin – during dinner – let me in on his thoughts and I felt very hot. There were times where I drifted off, not paying attention to what Lux said because Anakin's fantasies dominated my mind. He and I restrained ourselves and now we had to restrain ourselves even longer because Lux wanted to continue to talk to me and about what Anakin… Anakin had to do.

The three of us rose from our seats after we finished dinner and Lux led us to his office near his bedchambers. Anakin frowned as Lux gestured for me to go first, but I insisted that he should since he knew the way and I didn't. Despite being here for a long time, I never truly paid attention on the route to his office since Anakin and I always had small, funny conversations with one another. One time, Anakin made me burst out laughing because he was making fun of the way Lux walked. Lux paid no attention to our snickers and continued onto his route.

"Ahsoka." Lux grinned. "I'm _so_ happy you could be here." He slowed his walk, making Anakin back away from my side. I frowned at that, but he hurriedly walked over to my other side. "What made you want to protect me?"

I frowned again, shrugging. I really didn't know why, but I just said, "You're a friend, Lux. Clearly now you're most likely to be shot and killed by someone," I said. "You're a friend and someone important to the Republic."

"And to you?" He grinned. I didn't have time for all of this flirtatious poodoo. Lux has played with my emotions when I was helping him win his rebel war. I would not allow it again.

I decided not to answer that question and looked at Anakin from the corner of my eye. He was staring down at the ground, frowning when he heard what Lux said. Lux wasn't making things easier for him and I didn't blame him. He admitted that he didn't like how much time I spent with Lux. I was trying to be a good friend and protector, but I did notice things were a bit off when Lux spoke to me and the way his body acts when I'm around. I sighed and focused on Anakin, trying to talk to him via bond.

_'Ani_,' I whispered through our bond, '_are you okay?' _

He tilted his head up a little before answering, '_Yeah, I'm fine… I wish I could just rip the little bastard's head off.' _

I shook my head. '_You know that won't do any good.'_ I smiled up at him.

He mentally laughed. '_Do you know how much I want you right now?' _Anakin licked his lips, giving me a lustful look.

I rolled my eyes, laughing mentally too. _'Not now. He'll know something's up between us and will report us.' _I was saddened by the thought of that. I didn't want to risk Anakin's chance to become a master and I bet he didn't want me to lose my apprenticeship. Both of us didn't want to hurt the other's career, but did it really matter if we truly loved each other?

Anakin sighed but gave me a smile. '_You're right_,' he said, then with a teasing tone. '_Sorry for my inappropriate thoughts_.'

I bit my lip and remembered all those thoughts he and I shared that I actually started to sweat a little. There was one point where that fantasy he was sharing with me almost made me say '_Fuck it!' _and strip him then and there. I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom to calm myself and leave the two men alone at the dining room. When I came back, Anakin was smiling at me with the most devilish smile anyone could ever give. That made me blush madly.

"So, Master Skywalker," Lux's voice grabbed my attention after Anakin pulled the chair for me to sit down again just like he did before we ate dinner. He sat next to me and looked at Lux with hate in his eyes that only I could see. "I have been told that there were a few spots of intruders passing by… I thought you had this place secured?" Lux sat down on his own chair as rain began to pour down outside.

Anakin's frown deepened. "_Senator_ Bonteri, I know there has been intruders and I've been trying my best to order your men to securely patrol the area but none of these men seem to know what the fuck they're–"

"Try harder, _Skywalker_," he hissed at my love. "I need you to patrol with them. They seem to be more in order when you're around," Lux insisted, motioning with his hands a little as he talked.

Anakin and I both looked at him with disbelief. "Lux, you _can't_ be serious," I said. "He doesn't get enough sleep as it is." I tried to reason with the kid. Anakin hasn't had enough sleep and I didn't like it that Lux was making him work harder while I was sitting here on 'patrol' duty.

Lux kept his noticeable glare at Anakin. His eyes and facial expression softened as he turned to me. "Ahsoka, I have no other choice–" he began, smiling warmly at me.

"Let _me_ take his place," I interrupted him. "I haven't done _anything_ during my time here and now is the time that I actually do something." I spoke firmly.

Anakin glared at Lux and said, "She and I can patrol outside. You already have enough bodyguards here in your home," he hissed.

"Master Skywalker, I insist that Padawan Tano should stay here to ensure that I am safe and out of harm's way." Lux just knew what to say to make Anakin go mad. Since Lux almost got me killed several times, Anakin hated him with a burning passion.

Anakin grumbled under his breath and his fists clenched tightly on his lap. "She has to be with me at all times, Senator."

Lux groaned and motioned his hand for us to leave. "We'll talk about this tomorrow, Master Skywalker." He yawned. "You're both dismissed."

Anakin roughly got up and I quickly followed him. I could feel Anakin's fury and I stepped out of his way because I knew what he was capable of doing when he's this furious. He let out a sigh of aggravation and punched the wall, making me flinch in fear. He breathed heavily, trembling badly as I sent loving words towards him. He looked up at me, the crazed man inside his soul –that I could see in his eyes– was beginning to slowly fade away.

I walked up to him, embracing him tightly just like he did earlier today. I loved him and I hated to watch him suffer like this. I hated how Lux treated my Ani and I just wanted to shove my lightsaber down Lux's throat. Anakin didn't deserve all of this torment. He's had enough to deal with. There has to be better way. Though there's nothing we can do. Lux was in charge at this moment and we couldn't disobey him…

Anakin seemed happy when we headed back to our new room that Lux gave us since I told him the other room was uncomfortable. Anakin and I haven't had enough sleep in a while since we got here.

He set me down on my feet, giving me a smile after he viewed our room with his own eyes.

The room was twice as big as our dorm in Coruscant. Way bigger. The room had earth colored walls, such a nice plum for the bathrooms, a nice cream color in the master bedroom; the kitchen was also a nice, white color, the living room and the dining room were both minty green. The countertops, bathroom sinks and tiles surrounding the bathtub and shower were made of granite and marble rather than duracrete or durasteel. The floors were either carpeted in white or appeared to be some type of redwood floor.

There were black chandeliers in the master bedroom and the dining room. It looked super clean as if it was just done. I walked over to the master bedroom, touching the cherry, polished dining tables and furniture and the comfortable sofas.

The master bedroom had the same kind of bathroom like the other one beside the guest room, but one difference was the master bathroom had a huge bathtub. The same material was used cherry wood and granite. For the king-sized bed, a fine net hung over the white bed. It had very comfortable looking pillows.

The room was white and enormous. It was like three to four rooms put together.

He closed the beautiful door and turned around to face me. I walked over to the balcony and viewed the city that was far away with my own eyes. Not staring at a piece of paper or a picture in a traveler's magazine.

Anakin came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my stomach. He kissed my head as I leaned back to feel him. "Bienvenüe, mon amour." _Welcome, my love._ He grinned, nuzzling his face against my neck. I laughed when he spoke in my native language.

"Merci, mon amour." _Thank you, my love._ I whispered to him, turning slowly to face him.

He was smiling down at me. "I hope you like this room instead of the other one." Anakin seemed uneasy with what my response would be.

I shook my head slowly. "It's beautiful, my love," I assured him. "It's cozy and it's better because you're here with me."

Anakin kissed me as tears streamed down my cheeks. I felt sad, filled with sorrow for no reason. Then again, these were tears of joy. I had my love all to myself. He was mine from now on and I was his.

I kissed him with more force before he slammed me against the wall. It didn't hurt, but he backed away and apologized. He went on and on, wanting to see if I was okay or if he hurt me, but I tried to assure him that I was perfectly fine.

He sighed in anxiety, sitting on our bed. He buried his face into his cupped hands and whispered things in my own language. Yes, Anakin knew a few things. He looked up at me. "Pardonnez-moi." _Forgive me_. He breathed slowly and unevenly. "Je suis tellement dé sole." _I am so sorry_. He looked away from me. "S'toi ont fait quelque chose pour vous, je le jure..." _If I hurt you in any way, I swear… _

"Ani..." I began.

"Êtes-vous d'accord?" _Are you okay? _he asked me.

I sighed in frustration. "Oui." _Yes. _Then I held his hand. "Anakin, assez. Arrêtez-vous. Arrêtez." _Anakin, stop. Stop it. Stop. _

"Tu veux dire tellement pour moi, l'amour. Je ne peux pas le supporter quand tu es blessé." _You mean a lot to me, my love. I can't bear it when you're hurt. _

"Toi n'ont pas, Anakin. Calmer," I pleaded to him. _You didn't, Anakin. Calm down. _

Anakin looked at me like a crazed man. He was trembling so badly that it scared me. He relaxed when our eyes met. "Je ne peux pas vivre sans toi." _I can't live without you. _

I stroked his cheek, smiling, whispering, "Je t'aime tellement." _I love you so much. _

He smiled a tiny smile and kissed me. "Je t'amie beaucoup, mon amour." _I love you more, my love. _

I decided to shower before we did anything because I felt disgusting. I could finally breathe after Anakin helped me unzip my outfit.

Anakin decided to leave me alone to have a little privacy after being with me these past few hours without leaving my side. I laughed as he slipped out the door and said he loved me.

I turned on the water and felt the warm liquid touch my skin and spread all over my hand. I grabbed my suitcase that was on top of the sink counter and searched for my products that I packed me. I found my entire Paris Amour set. I smiled and squeezed out the bubble bath soap into the clear water. I sighed when my body felt the warm water against my skin.

I could hear Anakin showering in the other bathroom. I sighed. So he wasn't coming in here. My lips formed a pout. I decided to wash my montrals before relaxing.

After a few moments, I grabbed my sponge and began to scrub myself with my body wash, smelling the blend of tulips, apple blossoms and sparkling champagne. I closed my eyes and stayed there for a while until a few minutes later I heard Anakin come out.

I let the water go and rinsed myself off. Before I dried myself, I used my sugar scrub Paris Amour to make my skin smoother than it was. I patted myself dry and peeked through my luggage.

"Damn..." I sighed, clutching my towel closer to me. All that was in there was lacy or black lingerie. I sighed and slipped them on. I'd rather just wear my undergarments instead of a bikini. What else was I suppose to wear? I couldn't just go naked and walk around the apartment as though I wasn't exposing myself enough. I looked at myself and saw what I was wearing. I was wearing a black bra and a black bottom. They were pretty on models and other people but not really me. Then again, I don't look good in anything.

I put on deodorant, Paris Amour lotion, Paris Amour Body Spray and Paris Amour Perfume. I think I went overboard. I walked out and saw Anakin slipping on his pajama pants. He looked at me for a brief second, looked away and then back at me, shocked. I didn't like how I looked, so I put on black mini cotton shorts and a dark, gray, long sleeved shirt that was a little too big on me.

Anakin blinked hard and shook his head. He got up and walked over to me. "Well then," he whispered with a teasing smile.

"I'm lucky I found these shorts and this long sleeve shirt," I told him. "The lingerie... Any kind of lingerie doesn't look good on me." I chuckled, running my hand over my left lek nervously. "My body is just–"

"You're beautiful, baby," he interrupted me. "You are always beautiful." He slipped his hand up my shirt and lightly traced the battle scar on my back. Directly lined up with my spine.

I smiled weakly up at him before looking down. "I... I have _no_ words to tell you how I really feel whenever you say that," I spoke, barely audible. I forced my smile on my face as I felt the incoming tears. My expression was saddened... I knew this because I saw myself, my reflection in his eyes.

Anakin was the only person who could make a girl like me happy. Did I really have to hide the tears of joy that were meant for him? I could not easily answer that... It hurt me to see him in pain when I cry. He'd always think it's for something he did.

Anakin held me close. "Don't cry, love," he pleaded. Anakin brushed my cheeks slowly with soft, human fingers.

I let out a small silent laugh. "I'm sorry... I-I... I can _never_ get enough of the love that you give me, Anakin."

His hands rubbed my waist and my hips carefully. "You're not the only one, sweetie." He kissed my shoulder and embraced me. I wrapped my arms around him, silently letting my tears fall as they please. "You knew each tear before it came..." He held me closer, kissing my shoulder. "You smell good," he mumbled against my shirt. We both laughed at his words that just popped out of nowhere.

"Thanks." I giggled.

He pulled back and wiped my tears away. "I love you." He kissed my head. "Forever and always."

"I want you forever, forever and always," I told him.

"I want you forever, forever and always... Through the good and the bad and the ugly... We'll grow old together...Forever and always..."

"We'll grow old together, and always remember...Whether happy or sad or whatever. We'll still love each other, forever and always... Forever and always, forever and always..."

"I love you forever, forever and always... Please just remember even if I'm not there... I'll always love you, forever and always..." Anakin lifted his hand to touch the necklace he gave me on my birthday.

I giggled and touched his part of the necklace. "I love you, Ani," I whispered.

He leaned down to kiss my neck hungrily. "You have no idea how much I love you," he breathed against my skin.

Anakin continued to kiss me and I enjoyed it, but I wanted his lips on mine. I pushed my lips up against his. He chuckled underneath them before devouring them. We crawled onto the bed, but didn't break the kiss. He crawled on top of me, holding himself up.

I gasped, wrapping my arms around his neck.


	10. Chapter 10

**POV: Anakin Skywalker**

Gasping, panting, begging. Darkness and pleasure. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. A voice in the back of my head telling whispering words I don't want to hear, but I know are absolutely correct. This is _wrong._ Oh, so _very _wrong.

"Ahsoka, wait," I said finally, breaking the kiss. This wasn't right. How did I let myself fall prey to my feelings? The better question was, how did my feelings destroy my better judgment? Anything I did to Ahsoka would be considered illegal. I could be proclaimed a pedophile if things didn't go as swimmingly as I was hoping they would. My lips seared as fire remained after the kiss. I stared into her fiery eyes and she looked confused.

"What is it?" she breathed heavily. Her hands moved all over my chest and I shuddered pleasurably. My mind nearly shut down, which almost led me into succumbing to my emotions. I bit my lip. I couldn't control the way my body was acting and I _knew _she was very aware of the effect she had on me. "Anakin?"

I pushed myself off of her and forced myself into a sitting position. I groaned and got up from the bed, only to have her arms wrap around my waist. "Ahsoka, let go," I whispered halfheartedly. I didn't have it in me to shut her out. I felt guilty for harboring such a tremendous amount of love for her as it was. I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Talk to me." She was pleading with me and she actually crawled off of the bed to come stand before me. Her eyes were my weakness and I tried my hardest _not _to look into them for fear that I would fall. I would be disappointed in myself for being so weak. Obi-Wan would be disappointed in me for defiling the innocence of my Padawan and for disobeying one of the _most _important rules of the Order. _A master is not to love their apprentice._

"I can't–" Her hand was clamped over my mouth in an instant. I stood still, trying to avoid her eyes with so much more focus. She tilted my face so that I was forced to look at her and I frowned once her hand removed itself from my lips.

"I know you're scared," she whispered, nodding quietly. "I am, too, but we can do this, my love." _My love._ This was wrong. I should not be in love with my Padawan. It shouldn't matter how in love I may be with her; I should be able to do the _right _thing. The right thing was not to follow my heart. I should leave her as is and leave our relationship in its current state. Advancing any further would only prove to be detrimental for us both. I would lose my position as a Jedi Master and Jedi General and I would more than likely end up in a Galactic Prison cell. Ahsoka, however, would probably be allowed to stay because I'm older than her and _male._ I would likely be the one forcing her into such a situation.

She was rubbing my chest in such a way that I couldn't resist. It had been so long since I'd felt this much love pent up inside and for me. I could sense her love as I could see the light shining through my window when I would wake up in the morning. Well, if you discount the fact that I wake up before the sun even rises. "Please," I whispered to her, staring at her desperately. I wanted to do this, but I knew I shouldn't. I knew which boundaries I would cross. I knew I would hurt her; I would hurt our relationship. She is my Padawan. I _can't _justify these thoughts. They're _wrong._ I shouldn't want to do such…_promiscuous _things to a _child._ I suppose it wouldn't be promiscuous though. It's been a while for me and I would be willing to make– _No! Damn it, Skywalker! _"Anakin, you're getting paler every moment," she said, concerned. I could feel the heat rising in my face, the sweat dripping from my roots. My heart was pounding, my temples were throbbing. My _groin _was throbbing painfully.

I did the one thing I knew how to do when I _needed _to avoid something.

I shrugged and stretched my arms, yawning. "It's getting late," I said convincingly. I brushed past her, biting my lip. _Please, oh please,_ _believe my lie._ I loosened the ties on my sleep pants subtly and crawled onto the bed, immediately getting beneath the blanket. I stared at the open space I left on the bed and my heart pounded harder, faster. If I didn't want to do this to her, why was I allowing her to sleep alongside me?

Needless to say, she crawled into bed with me. She gave me a soft, concerned smile and I could only return the softness. I didn't know what to do and being this close to her made me nervous. I highly doubted that she would ever get me into trouble. She…could be of age for sex between us to be consensual, but I didn't want to risk it should that _not _be the case. "Will you tell me what's wrong tomorrow?" she whispered. I nodded slowly and she curled up against me, pressing her face into the crook of my neck.

She sighed contentedly before closing her eyes and slowly drifting off into her dreamland. I, however, was not given the luxury of sleep that easily or quickly. I was going to suffer for the next several hours and it was my own fault. If I wasn't such a bastard, I wouldn't be in this situation. I have _always _been selfish when it came to things I wanted or my emotions. I couldn't do this to Ahsoka. She didn't deserve my selfishness and I sure as hell did not deserve the love she willingly gave me.

•◊•

"Senator, I have done everything I'm able to. Your men have inadequate training and so they are incapable of–"

He held his hand up and I immediately silenced myself despite the voice in my head screaming for me to rip the bastard's head off. He'd woken me within an hour of getting to sleep and immediately wanted me on duty. It was fortunate that I was able to untangle myself from Ahsoka's limbs. He lowered his hand to clasp the other behind his back. He slowly turned to face me rather than stare out of his estate's window. "Master Skywalker," he said in that tone that told me I was in deep shit, "are you telling me that a general such as yourself cannot train a _guard?_"

"That's not what I'm–"

"These men are the best we have to offer, Master Skywalker. Surely they have _some _skill that you can manipulate. Surely _you _are a capable teacher." I remained silent. Of course I was a capable teacher. I had a Padawan and I trained my battalion myself. Sure, I could easily have them sent elsewhere to train, but I _preferred _to do it myself. I liked the connection I had with my men as I did the connection while I trained with Ahsoka.

"I can try to break their habitual rounds, but it will–"

His eyebrow rose and he blurted, "_Habitual rounds?_ Are you telling me that the routine my men have been set into since before _me_ is unfavorable? Has anyone died as a result of this routine?"

"If you would be so kind as to stop fucking interrupting me," I growled, "_perhaps _I would be able to share my insight with you." I was getting closer and closer to the point of no return. If he interrupted me one more time, I'm not sure that there would be anything capable of stopping me from plunging my azure blade through his puny chest. He stood straighter, giving me a look of defiance. _Fuck._ Now I totally understood how Obi-Wan always felt when I looked at him this way.

How bitterly ironic it was to finally be in his position. "You may continue uninterrupted, Master Skywalker," he said, using one hand to gesture for me to go on.

I nodded slowly and drew closer, touching the holoprojector so that the building's map appeared. I pointed towards two opposite entranceways as well as the balconies on the upper levels. "Your men are stationed here for a majority of the day and that is fine. The issue is at night, however." I glanced up at him and he was intently staring at the map before us. "They are most vulnerable during the night because their position on the balcony or outside of the entrances puts them at a disadvantage in regards to seeing the enemy before they can even get a shot off."

"How do you mean?"

"Two of your men were stationed in these balconies the other night. Both were shot dead and no one around them even _saw _their attacker or attackers. The rifle was silent, which I find impossible to believe, but anything could happen." He nodded thoughtfully and I felt warmth beginning to pool in my chest. I straightened up and turned towards the doorway to see Ahsoka step over the threshold with a tentative smile.

"Ahsoka," Bonteri breathed behind me, immediately shattering all of the pleasant warmth I felt. I was so _tired _of him trying to seclude her and seduce her. He may not understand the nature of our…_relationship,_ but I am still her Jedi Master.

"Good morning," she whispered, giving me a shy smile. My heart fluttered and I couldn't resist returning that smile.

"Good morning, Padawan," I said firmly. She came closer and it took everything in me to stop myself from leaning closer to her to peck her lips. I would have given anything to do just that this morning. "Senator Bonteri and I were discussing the positional issue of his guard."

She nodded and slipped closer to me. "Anything I can do to help out, Master?"

"I could have you–"

"My lady," Bonteri said reverently, bowing slightly to her, "will you join me in the dining hall for a delightful breakfast?" I froze and tensed. _That fucker._ Ahsoka smiled weakly at him before looking up at me. I rolled my eyes and turned away from them both. I wasn't in the mood to deal with this right now and I needed to begin distancing myself from Ahsoka if I wanted to successfully sever the bond we were forming so easily.

"Only if my Master can join us," she said hurriedly. "He needs breakfast if he's to work at his best throughout the day." I could feel Lux's disdain at that compromise, but it made me smile. I heard Lux murmur a '_fine'_ and he took the lead, leading us towards his dining hall that we were growing more and more accustomed to as the days wore on.

We each took our seats as we have been each time we entered this very room, but something… There was something different in the atmosphere today; it was a tangible change and I wasn't sure where exactly it came from. I lifted my eyes from the hardwood table to meet Lux's lustful eyes as they stared at my lover. My upper lip curled slightly into a silent snarl. How _dare _he? "If my Padawan is going to be an issue with your _focus_, I'm sure I can find an alternative to resolve the situation," I hissed.

"That won't be necessary," he said with a dreamy, _disgusting_ smile. "I would very much like Padawan Tano to accompany me to…investigate the deaths you've allowed to happen on your watch, Master Skywalker." Ahsoka gaped at him before turning to me.

"Oh-ho," I said darkly, laughing. "That's it, you little bastard!" I snarled. Before I could get myself under control, chairs from the enter table were crashing into walls, shattering under my immense power. Hell, his own chair flew back and smashed into pieces. He was sprawled out on the floor and crawling away from me fearfully. "Not so big and bad now, _are you?_"

"Anakin!"

I ground my teeth together. He would _not _look at _my _Ahsoka with such hungry eyes _ever _again.

That was when the _entire _dining room table took a leap towards the ceiling and crumbled down into several hundred bits of duracrete. As that was happening, I felt a sharp pain in my neck and my eyes rolled back as my vision darkened.

•◊•

I woke up to find myself restrained. My eyes refused to open due to the brightness around me, but I knew I was on some kind of table. My ankles and wrists were bound by none other than Force-restraints. I could hear Bonteri mewling somewhere in the room and I smiled internally. If I was to be put on restrictions, at least I had the satisfaction of making the little prick _cry._

"_Oh, Anakin..._" she whispered through our bond. "_You have just gotten us into so much trouble with the Council _and _with Lux…_"


	11. Chapter 11

**POV: Ahsoka Tano**

The anger I harbored for Bonteri had finally reached its limit. Now that the Council found out about Anakin's behavior, I felt snippets of my anger rising higher and higher. Lux made the call to the Council. All of this happened because he looked at me the wrong way and said something that made Anakin lose control, nearly mauling Lux as a result of it. I was so afraid of what would happen if Lux found out about my and Anakin's relationship–even _suspected _anything for that matter. If he knew… Force, he'd advise the Council to separate the two of us, dissolving our chances of becoming very historical figures in the history of the Order and the Republic. Well, _Anakin_ anyway. I'm nothing to the Republic. I'm only the Chosen One's Padawan.

I watched Anakin from behind a glass window, watching his every move. Lux's men locked him in a room where he would be restrained until he was calm once again. I _doubted_ that was why Lux had him in there. Bonteri always had to get under Anakin's skin. Anakin's personal feelings overwhelmed him in this situation, as it did in almost every other situation, too. I could have _sworn _I saw Anakin smirk faintly as Lux wept after his first strike. I just wanted to get out of here with Anakin. That's _all_ I wanted. I didn't want to await the Council's verdict on the matter, nor did I want to wait for Anakin to wake up.

_"Oh, Anakin..." _I whispered through our bond. _"You have just gotten us into so much trouble with the Council and with Lux…"_

Lux, after weeping for a good length of time that Anakin would _approve_ of, walked up to me. He gave me a sad smile because he just showed me his weakness and how he couldn't handle himself on his own. He was just a weak Senator who lacks skill. Sure he should _some_ skill during his rebel war, but not enough that indicated he could handle taking care of himself. His eyes were a bit swollen, too, and he tried to hide them from me.

"Ahsoka, the Council is contacting us as we speak," he whispered, motioning his eyes towards his office.

I sighed. I knew Anakin wouldn't want me to go in there… alone, but we'd be in more trouble if I ignored the holocall. Groaning, I walked over and answered the call. "Masters," I replied, bowing as their figures appeared.

"_Padawan Tano, are you alright?"_ Master Plo immediately asked. He was a very close friend of mine, given that he was the one who found me and brought me back to the Temple at the age of three. He also had this soft spot for Anakin; though, it's been slowly fading away ever since Anakin's behavior had worsened and he became more and more reckless. "_Where's Skywalker?"_

I slowly straightened up. "I'm fine, Master Plo." I smiled slightly, looking down with a saddened expression. I blinked hard, making my expression serious to make the Council believe that I wasn't so attached to Anakin. "He's fine. We've just had… some issues here, but surely they can be fixed." I assured them.

"_I'm sure of it. That's why we need to speak to Anakin and you…"_ Master Windu looked at Bonteri. "_Alone_."

Lux looked uneasy with Mace's glare, but I bet it was Plo's hardened expression that made him more uncomfortable because he knew what kind of danger Lux had put me through. "Of course, Master Jedi." He bowed, smiling friendly.

_"Get General Skywalker in here immediately," _Mace Windu said, angry. His voice scared me. What would happen next? What if Lux knew about Anakin and me? What if he found out? Or was he clueless and didn't suspect anything but a Master being protective of his young Padawan? _"We need to have an urgent meeting with him—"_

"Master," I interrupted, stuttering at first. "U-uh, let me talk to Master Skywalker first, and then we'll call you in an hour or so?" I tried to make them give me time to think of _something_ to say to them to keep Anakin from getting into more trouble. Anakin, in no way, needed to be punished.

Lux arched an eyebrow at me before looking at the Council, frowning. I felt like he was going to object, but he didn't. He just continued to frown and looked at the ground, probably thinking deeply. "Should I release him now?" he asked, aggravated.

I looked at him in disbelief, my eyes ripping away from the Council. "That would be _helpful_," I said, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice. I know he's up to something, but I didn't want to waste my time on wondering what he'd do. I just wanted to see Anakin and talk to him, to feel him in my arms or to be _in _his arms.

Lux nodded, smiling at me; he bowed towards the Council before walking away. I looked after him, frowning, shaking my head slowly. _"Ahsoka, we'll be awaiting your call," _Windu said, firmly. His brown eyes were filled with disappointment, but _sympathy_ towards, possibly, Anakin. I always knew he didn't like Anakin, so I didn't understand the sympathy.

I nodded, ending the call there. I had to stop my urge to let tears fall. Obi-Wan would always be there for Anakin or me. He would always make the Council see reason and explain our unacceptable actions during the war. I'd always wait for that one day where I can see his face again.

I breathed out a trembling sigh, sniffling. I walked back to Anakin's and my room. He was already there… laying on the bed. I sighed and walked up to him, trying to hide my feelings from him. I didn't know what to say or what exactly was going to happen. He groaned and gave me a sorrowful glance. "Hey, sweetheart," Anakin breathed, giving me the smile I always loved.

I smiled as he wrapped his arms around my waist once he got up on his feet. "Hey, sweetie," I greeted warmly. I loved how he made me feel, the way kissed me and the way he just made me feel every day.

He noticed my feelings that I tried really hard to hide from him. "What's wrong, my Padawan?" He smirked, stroking my cheeks.

I looked down, holding one of his hands in mine. "I… The Council wants to speak to us," I whispered, afraid. "They know what happened." I wanted to cry, but I couldn't… Not in front of him.

Anakin frowned, remembering what happened. "Now?" he asked, helplessly.

I shook my head, sniffling. "No, no, not now. I asked them if you and I can have a… if I could talk to you for an hour or so beforehand," I said, shrugging.

His expression softened. "Hey, you didn't have to do that, Snips." He weakly smiled at me.

I looked at him in disbelief, just like I did earlier with Lux. "Anakin, if they find out what you did… The chances of you leaving or the Council deciding to give you another mission is fifty-fifty—"

"I wouldn't leave my Padawan alone," he hissed, his hand tightening around my hand—the one he was holding. "That's the last thing I'd ever do," he firmly said. I remained silent; however, I began to search around our room and bathroom to use something to heal Anakin's wounds he received when Lux's men had to sedate him. He glanced at one of his more visible wounds. "Baby, it's not _that_ bad," he told me, trying to make me not worry. I always worried for his health, so, right now, worry was all that was in my mind. "It'll heal," he said weakly.

I slammed the drawers and walked over to him with objects in my hand. I began to clean his wounds as he flinched and hissed in pain. "Ani." I frowned. "Could you _please_ let me clean you up?"

Anakin sighed and shrugged off his shirt to see if he had any other wounds from the ordeal. "Gross..." he murmured.

I leaned against his chest and kiss his shoulder, sighing. "Quit being so _hard_ on yourself." I breathed, "You're _my_ handsome Anakin. My knight. My Ani. My hero." I pulled back, staring deeply into his eyes. "You _are_ the most beautiful, precious person I've ever met."

He laughed sadly, shaking his head. "Snips, I _don't_ believe that…" He quickly changed the subject and kissed me. "I can't _believe_ you're mine," Anakin whispered against my montrals.

I was shocked by what he said. I wanted to argue the statement he made, but I didn't want to at the same time. What if the Council actually makes Anakin leave because of his actions? "_I_ can't believe you're mine."

With that, he kissed my lips. I kissed him back, breathing heavily. My fingers twirled in his hair as his right hand held the back of my neck and the free hand pressed me against his warm body. I didn't know if Lux would just barge in and see what we've been hiding; truthfully, I didn't care. Though, I knew Anakin did. He pulled away slowly, though our lips still hungered for more. His breath blew against my face as we gasped for air. His forehead was pressed against mine, both of us smiling before he kissed me one last time. "Whatever happens, I'm going to be by _your_ side," he promised me, staring into my eyes.

I nodded. "I know." I smiled, wanting him. I knew we'd risk our careers, but I also knew Anakin wouldn't want that.

We stayed there for the entire hour, just telling each other how much we cared for one another and continued to kiss. I didn't know exactly how long we were standing there until Anakin decided to sit down on the bed with me on his lap. Something about this made me think of things that I knew Anakin wouldn't want to do. I breathed heavily, admiring his body and his thoughts that flowed through our bond to me.

Moments later, we received a holocall from the Council. Anakin sighed and gently pulled away to answer. We both sighed as the Council was before us. I didn't know what was about to happen, but I knew it wouldn't be good. One little slip up from Anakin Skywalker is a dramatic explosion to the Council. I shook my head at that thought and looked at Anakin with a saddened expression before staring solemnly at the Council.

_"Anakin,"_ Master Windu said. _"We've heard of your…incident."_ I'm guessing Lux called them immediately after that event happened. I rolled my eyes. Anakin's gaze dropped. He didn't answer to that question, which made Mace move on. _"The Council and I have decided to remove you from this mission and we are ordering you to return to the Temple to… calm down," _he said. _"We know that Kenobi's death as had a great impact on you, but we fear for those around you."_

I was about to argue, but I couldn't since Anakin spoke first. "Masters, I assure you it was for a good reason—" he began, anger tight in his voice.

"_Padawan Tano will take it from there and will help Bonteri with his men,_" Master Ti spoke, looking at Anakin before me.

"This _isn't_ right!" Anakin hollered, enraged. "She _can't_ be left alone here on her own! She _can't_ be!" He couldn't control himself, especially since he's seen with his own eyes what Lux wanted to do to me.

_"And why is that?"_ Mace questioned Anakin, frowning as he crossed his arms above his chest.

Anakin glared at them as I stood there, shocked by his reaction to the Council's decision. I didn't _know_ what to do…


End file.
